Parappa the Rapper (PSP)

Developer: SCEI
Publisher: SCEI
Release Date: July 17, 2007
System: PSP
ESRB Rating: E
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Kick, punch, you all remember, Chop Chop back again, yes, forever.

0:01 I can't actually start the game because I have to run a firmware update. The firmware update won't run because the battery is at 44%. The fact that the PSP is plugged into the wall doesn't seem to matter. I'll continue when the battery is charged.
0:15 I check on the charging system and find it's charged enough to update.
0:16 Firmware update completed, restarting the system. This intro seems familiar. Oh yeah, maybe because I saw it on the original PlayStation game ten years ago...
0:17 "When Jet Baby loves, she loves all of the children." What's this game rated again? Also, Parappa orders water? Who orders water at Chunky Burger?
0:18 I decide to try downloading some song remixes from the Internet, because that's really the only justification for this $30 portable re-release of a ten-year-old game as far as I'm concerned.
0:20 Two minutes of entering my wireless settings later, and I'm almost ready to start.
0:21 Connecting... the "key information exchange timed out," whatever that means. Trying again.
0:22 One more time...
0:25 Still not working... I wonder why they couldn't have just included some remixes on the disc itself.
0:26 After running through setup again and checking some web settings, it finally works. I'm finally ready to downloading after I read (read: skip) two screen worth of licensing agreement.
0:28 Finally downloading. I choose "Music A" for Stage 1 because I am a big fan of the "A" genre of music. Seriously, why don't they give some sort of description of these remixes before you download them?
0:32 I'm finally done downloading a remix for every stage. Time to play! Wait... apparently the stuff I just downloaded is locked. I have to beat the non-remixed stage first? ARGH! I did that ten years ago! Can't I just plug in my PlayStation memory card or something?
0:33 "You gotta do what? I gotta believe" You really do have to believe in order to play this game.
0:37 Finished playing through Chop Chop Master Onion's stage yet again. One of the things that has always bugged me about this game -- it's hard to tell whether or not you're on beat. The evaluations come late and don't tell you which notes you actually missed. The freestyle system is hard to master too.
0:38 All right, now the first downloaded remix is unlocked. This should be fun.
0:41 It's... sort of a twangy western version of the song. Same lyrics, same buttons, same timing, same everything except the background instruments. This is what I wasted 15 minutes on?
0:42 Back to the main game. The cut scenes are just as endearingly weird as ever.
0:44 "When I say boom boom boom/You say bam bam bam/No pause in between/Come on let's jam." For some reason I've always loved this line.
0:45 I complete the stage with no mistakes. It's practically muscle memory at this point.
0:46 The next stage is titled "My Dad's Gonna Bite Me." What's this game... never mind. It's too easy.
0:47 "All you ever need is to be nice and friendly." Later: "Money money money is all you need." Make up your mind, Master Fleaswallow!
0:49 The next stage is a cooking show. "My style is rich, dope, phat, in which/We'll make a cake today that looks rich." That almost sounds like English.
0:50 "The other day I was called a little turkey/But I'm a chicken, got it, ya beef jerky?" This line always cracks me up for no good reason.
0:52 I fail the song, but I have no idea why. I thought I was doing OK, actually...
0:53 This time I don't even make it to the end of the song. Nuts to this... time to try some more remixes.
0:56 The driving test remix has a techno beat with lots of sound effects. Pretty cool.
0:58 The Stage 3 remix is surf anthem reggae? I never thought I would hear those two sounds combined. But it works pretty well!

Would I play this game for more than an hour? Reluctantly.
Why? Only to hear all the remixes. And because I haven't technically played for an hour yet.

This review based on a retail copy provided by Sony.