The Wizard of Oz: Beyond the Yellow Brick Road

Developer: Media.Vision
Publisher: XSeed
Release Date: Sept. 30, 2009
System: Nintendo DS
ESRB Rating: E
Official Web site (Japanese)

In a nutshell: I'm not sure if it's more offensive to RPG fans or Wizard of Oz fans.

0:00 I've been putting off playing this one -- which XSeed sent me months ago -- because I'm relatively sure it will be awful and ruin my happy childhood memories of the movie. But I figure I have to try it out sometime, and stuck as I am away from home on a trip to Philadelphia, this seems as good a time as any.

0:01 The four main Wizard of Oz characters walk by on the bottom screen as an overproduced version of Over the Rainbow music transitions into some sort of generic Japanese anime theme song. Yes, really. Also, the tin man is incredibly fat, the scarecrow has a guitar for some reason, and Dorothy's skirt is incredibly short. I can already tell I'm not going to like what they've done with this.

0:04 The camera travels through dark cemetery with large jack-o-lanterns. "Our story begins... on a still night..." A witch with a ridiculous purple robe and a bright red hat stands with a book in her hands. "Every story needs a charming main character," she says. She needs a name for an adventurous girl. I pick Hortense, because Dorothy is too obvious. I name her puppy Bruno, because it strikes me as funny.

0:05 The book is raised to the sky in a beam of light, and then we're reading it. "In the peaceful countryside far from the city, where brooks babble gently in spring, bees waltz in summer, colorful leaves paint the world in autumn, and snow blankets the troubles of yesteryear in winter... lived a girl." Someone needs to teach this witch about the concept of a run on sentence, huh?

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Dragon Ball: Revenge of King Piccolo

Developer: Media Vision

Publisher: Namco Bandai

Release Date: Oct. 20, 2009

System: Wii

ESRB Rating: E10+

Official Web site (Japanese)

In a nutshell: "Boy, this is [not] getting exciting."

0:00 I was a fan of Dragon Ball Z in high school, but never really got into the original Dragon Ball series this game is based on. I wasn't a big fan of the last Dragon Ball universe fighting game I played, so my hopes aren't very high for this one.

0:01 As I load up the preview screen, a young Goku cries out: "Boy, this is getting exciting." Um, I haven't even started yet. What's got you so excited?

0:02 Goku, a small boy with spiky black hair and a red karate outfit, runs through a field and jumps onto a yellow cloud. Bald-headed Krillin and other characters wave as he flies by as a Japanese theme song plays. The title appears before a bunch of characters I vaguely remember from Dragon Ball Z appear reflected in Dragon Balls. Blue-haired Bulma rides a moped with Goku in back. Goku and Krillin fight under the watchful eye of elder Master Roshi. A blonde-ahired announcer starts a fighting tournament. Goku flies through a city as bullet are fired at him from unseen guns. In a plane, an old looking green guy rains destruction from above. The dragon comes out of the dragon balls, ready to grant a wish. All the main characters freeze in a big triumphant pose. The title appears again. Feels like an anime opening to me!

0:04 When I advances past the title screen, Goku again tells me, "Boy, this is getting exciting." OK, Goku, time for your Ritalin.

0:05 As I move about the main menu, Goku narrates every available item. "This is where you can adjust all the game's options!" On the options screen, Krillin narrates with a shit-eating grin. "This lets you adjust the size of the screen." Just think, they had to pay voice actors for those lines. That is money that did not go to hiring programmers. I'm just saying.

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