UEFA Euro 2008

Developer: EA Canada
Publisher: EA Sports
Release Date: May 20, 2008
Systems: PS3 (reviewed), PS2, PSP, Xbox 360, PC
ESRB Rating: E
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Football as 99% of the world knows it.
0:00 I've actually never played a soccer video game before unless you count Super Mario Strikers -- and you really shouldn't, as that game has fireballs and turtle shells and stuff. I did play some little league soccer in my youth, though, so I know how the game works. You try and put the ball in the net, right?

0:01 This minute spent downloading a seemingly mandatory 68 MB version 1.02 update for the game.

0:10 The past 10 minutes spent the same way as minute 0:01.

0:11 The UEFA logo comes flying in with some peppy music over snowy peaks and a fast-moving, cloudy sky. "Hello I'm Clyde Tillsy(?) and it's my pleasure to introduce you to EA Sports' UEFA Euro 2008." He explains that you can earn points when you win games (more points for games you aren't expected to win), and these points are used online to represent your nation in an online leaderboard. Hooray for nationalism! "Good luck, and perhaps you can be the champion gamer, or part of the champion nation of gamers, in UEFA Euro 2008."

0:14 So I have to pick the nation that I'll represent in the online leaderboards. Interestingly, I can play as any country I want, but this pick for who I "represent" is irrevocable after I make it. Not being from Europe myself, I pick Liechtenstein, with its half-star rating and population of 35,000 people, mainly because I feel bad for it. Also, it's fun to say. Lick-ten-shtine!

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Def Jam: Vendetta

Developer: EA Canada
Publisher: EA Sports Big
Release Date: March 3, 2003
Systems: PS2 (reviewed), GameCube
ESRB Rating: T
Official Web Site

In a nutshell: Rappers doing what they do best. Wrestling!

0:01 "Used to be, you wanted to make yourself known, you proved yourself as a a street fighter or hustler." Now you... what, get an MBA? "I'm a businessman, and this is my business."Who are you, again?
0:02 Tutorial time. "This red bar is your health meter and indicates your remaining health." Oh really. That's interesting, because I've NEVER PLAYED A FIGHTING GAME BEFORE EVER!
0:03 The guy narrating the tutorial videos is the whiniest guy I've ever heard. It's especially weird considering the whole hug image this game tries to pull off. Did they just grab a random programmer?
0:06 I hate these video tutorials. Unitl I actually do it, I won't be able to remember all this stuff. Ground grapples, momentum, snake whips. Too much!
0:08 Still on the video tutorials. A guy is dazed on the corner of the ropes, and the other guy straddles his face and flips him with his legs. This is a little homoerotic for my tastes.
0:09 Briggs, Proof, Spider and Tank are my options.It's a bit weird to see a token white guy for once. Why is charisma a statistic. Is this a tabletop RPG or a fighting game?
0:10 I really like the slightly elongated, expressive facial modeling. It looks a little unnatural but not creepily unnatural. Great animation too, especially for the PS2.
0:11 Not two seconds into the match a big guy comes running at me and drops me. Ouch!
0:13 The big guy is now literally grinding his butt into my face. The game has just gotten WAY too homoerotic for my tastes.
0:14 I finally get off a pin after five tries. So far the gameplay mostly consists of jamming on square, and it seems to be working. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I get graded a D, but I still won.
0:15 "Drake: This ain't no tickle fight, little man." Thanks for clearing that up.
0:17 Another pin, much quicker this time. He barely touches me. The button-mashing nature of this game is becoming increasingly clear. I get a B for hitting square a lot, essentially.
0:18 Scarface is so big he blocks my view of my character. Weak.
0:21 Scarface is the first opponent who actually seems to know what he's doing. He blocks and reverses and actually grapples. Gotta figure out what to do about that.
0:24 I try to lift Scarface, who weighs about 4 million pounds, and my character just sits there straining. Ha!
0:26 After pulling off an early lead with a lot of grabs, I manage a pin after a way-too-long match. I get a B and $12,000.
0:28 You can use your money to by photos of girls. Whoo! That's a feature I always look for in my games.
0:29 The cheering crowds really add to the atmosphere.
0:32 You know what I love. Being so dazed from a move that I can't do anything before the opponent sets up his next move. I also love endless tapping buttons to do basic things like stand up. I absolutely LOVE it.
0:33 This guy is really good at reversing most of my moves, but still susceptible to one thing -- quick grabs and drops. It's almost too easy.
0:35 I activate blazin' mode for the first time, but forget to do my super secret finishing move. Oh well. I've played Mortal Kombat. I doubt these are better.
0:37 Sketch literally reverses everything I throw at him and leaves me dazed for tens of seconds at a time. End it already!
0:38 He ends it by playing jumprope. With my body. Ouch!
0:41 I have some fun playing coward and leaving the ring over and over while my health replenishes. He can't touch me. It's lame, but I'll take advantage of it if the game allows me to.
0:44 I have no idea how I'm doing most of my moves -- the same exact button inputs do vastly different things. Can't manage to consistently pull of reversals either, of figure out why the opponent reverses me. It's mostly just random button mashing to me.
0:47 This match has been going on for eight minutes now. He keeps getting me into the danger zone and refusing to pin me. Why?
0:48 I finally pin him after getting a few lucky shots in. I did not deserve to win that match at all. I got a B. Go figure.
0:49 Two women are fighting over me in a cut scene. Did they see the last match? I get to choose one of them for my girlfriend? Sweet!
0:50 The cat fight wasn't just verbal... my girlfriend and her rival are going at it in the ring. "I want to hear you scream." Subtle.
0:51 Is it a bad sign when fighting with your randomly chosen girlfriend is hard to distinguish from the character you've been building up for five fights? Seriously, the moves and strategy are pretty identical.
0:52 I get off a reversal without even being aware I was trying to pull one off. Whoot!
0:54 My opponent goes Blazin' and I just avoid her by constantly leaving and re-entering the ring. This should not be so easy. 0:55 I don't know how I do the moves, but they look really good when I do them.
0:57 Another come from behind pin that I didn't deserve. What is wrong with this game?


Would I play this game for more than an hour? No
Why? I prefer fighting games that are more about strategy and less about mashing buttons and watching animations.

This review based on a used, purchased retail copy.

NBA Street Homecourt

Developer: EA Canada
Publisher: Electronic Arts
Release Date: Feb. 20, 2007
Systems: Xbox 360 (reviewed), PS3
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Basketball with 20 foot leaps, 1080 degree spins and other realistic touches.

0:01 The intro makes my brain hurt with its quick jump cuts, and I'm pretty ADD as it is. I love the huge Press START that takes up 9/10ths of the screen.
0:02 Pick up game, home team, random stars (bulls vs. spurs) at Hometown Park. Medium difficulty. Nice that it's easy to dive right in.
0:03 Nice little introductory vignette about the importance of the community basketball court. Makes the game itself feel more important.
0:05 I love the subtle, ever-present player chatter. Makes it feel more real, but it's not so overpowering that it distracts from the game.
0:08 My opponent just dunked it twice. In one shot. I'm pretty sure that's not legal in a real game.
0:10 The ebb and flow of the game is pitch perfect. The transition from offense to defense rocks back and forth with a gentle ease.
0:13 I'm finally getting the hang of using the X and Y buttons to do trick moves and steals.
0:16 Lose 22 to 8. I used to be good at this series, too. I feel like I'm learning the game all over again.
0:21 Doing jump shots seems kind of pointless when (1) the dunks are so incredible and (2) these behemoths can block every freaking one.
0:22 Shot clock violation? I thought this was streetball? So I can push a guy to the floor, but I can't hold the ball for 24 seconds?
0:23 An alley oop gets me my first lead of the game. I'm starting to feel it now.
0:25 The little button prompts above the player are great for learning. Who needs a tutorial?
0:26 The other team gets four points for a gamebreaker then a long range and I'm suddenly down 14-7. Wow. And I thought I was getting better.
0:28 Their guy just dunked right through three defenders all up in the air with him. Annoying.
0:30 The key to good ball handling seems to be jamming on the X and Y buttons as much aspossible. Who knew? This knowledge does not prevent a 22-13 loss, though.
0:31 I make a baller for the Homecourt Challenge. Another nice voiceover about who you wanna be. Nice touch.
0:34 I love the morph stick that lets you meld three faces without having to delve into each piece of the face. Create-a-player made simple.
0:39 I lose 5 - 0 to a team that seems to steal from me at will and gets every rebound. FUCK!
0:45 Rematch, now I now what to look for. They still squeak out a win 5-4. This is getting annoying.
0:46 After taking a quick 3-1 lead, an opponent throws out the comment"We just spotted you all some points." I'm laughing here.
0:47 5-2 win by focusing on going to the hoop instead of pulling off fancy moves.
0:49 I have not made a single jump shot. Not one. In nearly 50 minutes. Even when they are't blocked they just clank.
0:52 7-4 win, but I lose the trick move count 75 - 20. You'd think a game so focused on fancy moves they would pay off, but at least in the short game going straight for the basket is better.
0:59 I like how the game-changing gamebreakers can be turned around if the opponent gets a steal. Nice little risk vs. reward structure.
1:01 Win a tight game back and forth 12-10. I'm getting the hang of this.

Would I play this game for more than an hour? Yes
Why? I'm just starting to get good.

This review is based on the full Xbox 360 version of the game, rented from GameFly