Rock Band 3

Developer: Harmonix

Publisher: EA
Release Date: Oct. 26, 2010
Systems: Xbox 360 (reviewed), PS3, Wii
ESRB Rating: T
Official Web site

In a nutshell: The piano, man.

0:00 Been looking forward to trying this one since I received the game from Harmonix a week ago, but I held out because I didn’t have a keyboard controller. Now that they’re available in stores, I’m looking forward to expanding on the ten minutes or so I spent with the keyboard at Gamescom this summer.

0:01 The game just came out yesterday and already there’s a title update available? Whatever, it downloads and installs incredibly quickly.

0:03 Looking out a hotel window. Close ups of an amp, a guitar case, a lone uncovered light bulb. The Doors’ “Break on Through” plays with its heavy keyboard part. Quick jump cuts of the band playing close-up and guys running through alleys and across the tops of buildings to get to the impromptu rooftop concert. Well shot, but a bit confusing.

0:04 I skip the calibration and the band customization because I want to get to rocking! Play Now, Quick Play, Choose Songs and we’re ready to rock! The new menu seems quite a bit more streamlined.

0:05 “25 or 6 to 4” is right there at the top of the list, and how can I resist a song with such a tight beat and such incomprehensible lyrics. I’ll start on Medium difficulty and play the five-key normal mode rather than the 25-key pro mode, for now.

***-->CONTINUE READING<--***

***-->AT GAMERONI<-***

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Mass Effect 2

Developer: BioWare

Publisher: Electronic Arts

Release Date: Jan. 26, 2010

Systems: Xbox 360 (reviewed), PC

ESRB Rating: M

Official Web site

In a nutshell: Action-packed space conversation.

0:00 Confession time: Despite enjoying the first hour of the first Mass Effect quite a bit, I never actually returned to finish the game. It's a problem I run into constantly with epic, story-based games, where I putter around a bit but can't bring myself to make the time and attention commitment to really immerse myself through to the end. I've heard some ridiculously nice reviews for this follow-up, though, so I'm determined to play it through to the end even if it kills me.

0:01 My sister's Xbox doesn't have HD cables, so I'm playing this in standard definition on a freaking huge HDTV. Looks noticeably grainy compared to what I'm used to...

0:02 I skip EA's "Cerberus Network Registration" because I don't have access to my Gamertag and I'm not using the online features right now anyway. I start a "New game, Male." On the loading screen I see schematics of a sleek, ultramodern orange spaceship rotating around. Choosable difficulties are Casual, Normal, Veteran, Hardcore, Insanity. So Normal is actually below average? That's fine by me... I'm fine being below average.

0:03 "Electronic Arts presents a BioWare production," says the game in its best impression of a Hollywood film. Close up of a burning star. Two figures talk in the shadows. "Shepard did everything right. More than we could have hoped for. Saving the Citadel but leaving the council to die. Humanity's place in the galaxy is stronger than ever... but still it's not enough." They're sending Shepard to fight the geth because the council will accept his help. "He's a hero... a bloody icon." One of these guys sounds exactly like Jed Bartlett from The West Wing. Is that you, Martin Sheen?

0:06 Cut to a different ship. "We're wasting our time," says a crewman. "Four days searching up and down this sector and we haven't seen any sign of geth activity." Three ships have gone missing, and the Captain thinks it's slavers, not geth, that are to blame. Suddenly, another ship comes in on a collision course and fires on them, despite their cloaking. "Multiple hull breaches" says an ensign as explosions rock the ship. It's like a really crappy episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, only I don't know any characters or what's going on.

***-->CONTINUE READING AT<--***

***-->JOYSTICK DIVISION<-***

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Army of Two: The 40th Day

Developer: EA Montreal
Publisher: Electronic Arts
Release Date: Jan. 12, 2010
Systems: PS3 (reviewed), Xbox 360, PSP
ESRB Rating: M
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Shanghai is exploding, but at least you're with your HARDCORE best friend...

0:00 I have no experience with the first Army of Two game. In fact, my entire impression of the game is formed by these two Penny Arcade comics, so you might say I have LESS than no experience with the first game. So I'm eager to see see what the relative lack of fuss is about.

0:01 "The latest update data for this software has been found." Really? The game just came out today and there's already a downloadable patch? It's OK ... version 1.01 should only take 75 seconds to download, according to the handy progress bar on-screen.

0:04 The patch is downloaded and installed and we're off on a magical journey. A city in flames appears in the background as the Army of Two title flies in with a metallic clang. Then immediate fade to the title in front of a blurry picture of the two skull-masked protagonists running away from an explosion. A bad Rob Zombie riff plays in the background. HARDCORE.

0:06 The background of the menu screens flickers between some grainy security camera footage of a sleepy Chinese alley, for some reason. I know this game is all about the co-op, but I don't think I know anyone who actually owns it yet, and I'm not about to play with some whiny 12-year-old brat on PSN.

***-->CONTINUE READING AT CRISPY GAMER<--***

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The Saboteur

Developer: Pandemic Studios
Publisher: EA
Release Date: Dec. 8, 2009
Systems: PS3 (reviewed), Xbox 360, PC
ESRB Rating: M
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Grand Theft WWII-era Paris

0:00 I've been interested in this game since I first heard about it back in 1995. Seriously, I feel like I've been waiting for this stylish period piece forever, and now it's finally here just in time for the studio that worked so hard on it to shut down. This is all coloring my perceptions going in.

0:01 A red fleur-de-lis shimmers in the light a bit, then the game tells me I need "1021 MB more free space on the hard drive." It's always something with these PS3 releases...

0:02 The Bourne Conspiracy is taking up 4.68 GB on my hard drive? Good lord, why?

0:03 "The Saboteur needs to perform an initial setup process. This will take about 7 minutes." Well I appreciate their warning me, at least. Let's see how accurate their estimate is...

0:10 The install is done ... almost exactly seven minutes after it started. That's pretty impressive.

0:11 Logos, then a painted red line morphs into a woman's tight-pantsed backside. The line shifts goes down to the title. Fade to a black-and-white Parisian skyline, focused on the Eiffel Tower. Faint sirens in the background. Cut to an old car rumbling down a cobblestone street. There are red lights on some signs, but everything else has a noir-ish grayscale palette. I love the sensuous old French accordion music in the background.

***-->CONTINUE READING AT CRISPY GAMER<--***

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Dragon Age: Origins

Developer: Bioware Edmonton
Publisher: EA
Release Date: Nov. 3, 2009
Systems: PS3 (reviewed), Xbox 360, PC
ESRB Rating: M
Official Web Site

In a nutshell: The Early Education of a Magical Bear

0:00 I've been putting off loading up my copy of this one because I'm not generally a big fan of sword-and-sorcery RPGs, even if they're by the vaunted BioWare. Plus I was underwhelmed by what I felt was a boring eyes-on demo of this one at E3.

0:01 Overwrought fantasy music on the preview screen, along with a hooded lady shown in a crimson dragon emblem. Meh.

0:02 The bad news: The game requires new firmware to be played. The good news: The firmware seems to be on the disc, and doesn't require a lengthy download. The data is copied to the hard drive in a matter of seconds, but the actual install process crawls along slower than expected. I'll letcha know when it's done.

0:06 That was relatively painless. I spent the four-minute install playing some SkiFree on my laptop. Now THERE'S a fun game.

0:07 "There is not enough available space in the HDD. To create data, at least 901 MB more space is required." Of course it is...

0:08 So long, Haze game data. Your 3.866 gigs will be put to much better use in the future.

***-->CONTINUE READING AT CRISPY GAMER<--***

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Brutal Legend

Developer: Double Fine
Publisher: Electronic Arts
Systems: PS3 (reviewed), Xbox 360
Release Date: Oct. 13, 2009
ESRB Rating: M
Official Web Site

In a nutshell: So metal, it's funny.

0:00 I'm a big fan of Jack Black and Tim Schafer, but not a big fan of heavy metal music. Not even in an ironic, detached way. I just really don't like it. Also, I could barely hear the demo I saw with Gus Mastrapa on the crowded E3 show floor this year. So, I really don't know what to expect from this.

0:01 Before the game even starts, I'm treated to this hilarious sequence of Jack Black one-liners on the PS3 preview screen: "Let's mosh it up! Whaddaya say? ... Time for a mosh pit! ... Come on, dude, how come we're not moshing? ... Yep, moshing time! ... If only we had a mosh pit going on ... Yep, a mosh pit would really hit the spot right about now. ... One of these days, I'm gonna try that mosh-pit thing I've been hearing about. ... Pffft, yeah, mosh pits are probably stupid." I'm already laughing and the game hasn't even started!

0:02 "Version 1.01 of the software is already available." And it's ... a 256 MB download?! Say what you will about the PS3, it is predictable. Oh well. The system estimates I'll be seeing you in 13 minutes...

0:16 I love how the counter says "108 seconds" rather than rounding to two minutes. As if that makes the 15-minute wait so far less interminable.

0:18 Download finally done ... another minute to install, and...

0:19 "There is not enough free space on the hard disk. The game was forced to quit. At least 170 MB more free space is needed." Kill me now.

***-->CONTINUE READING AT CRISPY GAMER<--***

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The Beatles: Rock Band

Developer: Harmonix Music Systems
Publisher: MTV Games
Release Date: Sept. 9, 2009
Systems: Xbox 360 (reviewed), PS3, Wii
ESRB Rating: T
Official Web site

In a nutshell: There's something in the way it moves me.

0:00 I've played this quite a bit already, with a bunch of random strangers at E3. Shockingly, I found that a game that combined two of my favorite things -- Rock Band and the Beatles -- was lots of fun! Will it be as fun to play alone in my living room for an hour? We'll see.

0:01 As I open the disc case, three pieces of paper fall out: an ad for the digitally remastered Beatles catalog on CD; a note about how to connect the Xbox to the Internet (to buy more songs); and a code for a FREE BEATLES: ROCK BAND AVATAR SHIRT! HELL YES!

0:02 The game disc itself just repeats the cover image of the black-and-white Beatles running away from fans. I'm disappointed at the lack of a large green apple image.

0:03 This minute spent getting my Rock Band instruments out of storage. I wasn't sent a set of the new, Beatles-inspired instruments that come with the Limited Edition, but in my E3 playing they seemed remarkably similar to the regular Rock Band 2 instruments, so I don't feel too bad.

0:07 The past four minutes were spent transfixed watching the excellent animated intro for the game. I've seen it before, but this time it's in wonderfully smooth, big-screen HD rather than jerky, small Internet video on my computer monitor. A much better experience...

***-->CONTINUE READING AT CRISPY GAMER<--***

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Rock Band Unplugged

Developer: Backbone Entertainment
Publisher: Electronic Arts
Release Date: June 9, 2009
System: PSP
ESRB Rating: T
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Freq-Rock-uency Band-plitude

0:00 I loved Harmonix's Frequency and Amplitude, which inspired the gameplay here, and the Rock Band games, which inspired the look and song selection, so this one should be a slam dunk for me.

0:01 Loading, logos, then a simple title screen with some rotating ... stuff in the background.

0:02 Controls explained: left and up on the d-pad for red/yellow notes, triangle and circle for the green and blue notes. Not a bad setup ... more symmetrical than the three-track setup in the earlier games.

0:03 I'll skip the training and go straight to the Tour. The game gives me the random band name "Metro Wheelie," which is so awesome I don't even change it.

0:04 Only four hometowns available to choose from? What a gyp. San Fran it is, I guess. The game generates a band with Justin, Chandra, Chuck and Frank. They look decent enough and I don't want to waste time editing them, so let's go.

0:05 "Congratulations! Your band has been offered a gig at Alice's Free Love Cafe! Welcome to the wonderful world of touring!" Man, that's a lot of exclamation points!

***-->CONTINUE READING AT CRISPY GAMER<--***

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Battleforge

Developer: EA Phenomic
Publisher: Electronic Arts
Release Date: March 23, 2009
System: PC
ESRB Rating: T
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Warcraft + Magic: The Gathering = the most addictive substance known to man?

0:00 I was big fan of Magic: The Gathering back in grade school, so part of me has high hopes this will satisfy my long-dormant collectible card game jones. Another part of me is pessimistic that just an hour will be enough for me to really get into it.

0:10 OK, I'm not going to go into much detail on the mess of stalled downloads, frozen computers and lengthy file checks that preceded getting this game's 2.6 GB of files downloaded and working on my computer. Suffice it to say I'm docking the game 10 minutes of play for the mere annoyance. I could easily take the whole hour, because it took much longer than that overall, but I'm not that petty.

0:12 Lots of animated logos precede the title, which appears in a blaze of light and fire amid some purple smoke. EPIC!

***-->CONTINUE READING AT CRISPY GAMER<--***

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Need for Speed Undercover

Developer: EA Black Box
Publisher: EA
Release Date: Nov. 18, 2008
Systems: Xbox 360 (reviewed), Wii, PS3, PS2, PSP, DS, PC, Mobile, N-Gage, iPhone/iPod Touch
ESRB Rating: E10+
Official Web site

In a nutshell: "I race this lonely road, the only one that I have ever known..."

0:00 I've managed to somehow avoid playing the Need for Speed series for the past 26 years, but I have some friends who really got into it. I'm a fan of arcade racers, so I really don't know why I waited so long...

0:01 A short downloadable update precedes a disclaimer: "Pull these moves within the safety of your house ONLY." Um, I don't think Mom will let me take the car into the house...

0:02 "You're not good ... and you're not bad," says a ghostly message on the loading screen. What the hell? Then, a cut scene: "This place has changed. These guys and their cars. No regard for anyone. It's time to put a stop to what's going on around here." Generic thumping techno plays over a moving helicopter shot over the ocean. It's a police chopper with a coastal skyline coming into view behind the credits. The choppers join in a five-car police pursuit of a red car with "ND 4 SPD" on the license plate. Subtle! The camera pans behind the car and ... oh shit, I'm driving already? I was not ready for that!

0:03 As I travel down the near-deserted three-lane highway, my fines rack up -- $250 for speeding, $100 for a hit-and-run, etc. I get separate points for near-misses and property destruction. Reminds me a bit of Crazy Taxi, which is definitely a good thing.

0:05 I run headlong into the back of a slow-moving truck, allowing the police to bump me into the side barrier. "Busted!" Well, that was fast. The SWAT team jumps out the choppers and is on top of me in a second. "FAIL! Weave through traffic to avoid the copes. Plow through any roadblocks to send the cops flying." Good advice!

***-->CONTINUE READING AT CRISPY GAMER<--***

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Dead Space

Developer: EA Redwood Shores
Publisher: EA
Release Date: Oct. 14, 2008
System: Xbox 360 (reviewed), PS3, PC
ESRB Rating: M
Official Web site

In a nutshell: In space, no one can hear you run out of ammo.

0:00 I'm only, what, five months late to the party on this game that everyone says is a must-play? I'm looking forward to diving in, but simultaneously scared that it won't live up to the exceedingly high expectations set by everyone.

0:01 An EA logo fades out and the title fades in on what looks like a reddish dust storm or the inside of a vein or something. Now that's how you introduce a game!

0:02 Before I can hit start, an ethereal voice starts singing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" as the camera cuts to external space shots of elaborate space freighters drifting. The song continues into the unfamiliar verses: "When the blazing sun is gone/When the nothing shines upon/Then you shine your little light/Twinkle, twinkle, all the night..." As it does the song is intercut with scenes from inside the ships of corpses in space suits and horrible attacks from misshapen monsters making ear-screeching sounds. "Though I know not what you are/Twinkle, twinkle, little star." CREEPY!

0:04 New Game difficulty choices are Easy, Medium and Hard. I don't want to wimp out and pick Easy, but I'm probably going to want to actually get through the game, so I don't want Medium to be too hard. Aw hell, Medium it is.

0:05 "ELECTRONIC ARTS PRESENTS AN EA REDWOOD SHORES PRODUCTION: DEAD SPACE." The scene starts as static, then the camera zooms out to show a blue-and-white video message from a girl. "Isaac, it's me. I wish I could talk to you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything. It's all falling apart here. I can't believe what's happening." She looks kind of harried. Zoom out more to show me sitting on the bridge of a spaceship going through hyperspace, with two others standing in front of me. "How many times you watch that thing?" asks one of them. "I guess you really miss her. Don't worry, you'll be able to look her up when we're on board." We jump out of hyperspace and the pair introduces me to the USG Ishimura, the "biggest planet-cracker in her class." It was on a mining mission, but now we're responding to a distress call. "You'd think with 1,000 people onboard, someone would pick up the phone." Dun dun DUN!

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

NASCAR Kart Racing

Developer: EA Sports Freestyle
Publisher: EA
Release Date: Feb. 10, 2009
System: Wii
ESRB Rating: E

In a nutshell: No, it doesn't make any more sense after you play it.
0:00 The fact that a game as unlikely and self-contradictory as NASCAR Kart Racing even exists is reason enough to give it an hour-long test drive, as far as I'm concerned.

0:01 A bit of loading, then no fuss, no muss; we're already at the title screen. There are two helmeted racers sticking out of what look like roofless, miniature versions of NASCAR cars. Their heads stick out above the top of the windshield. The most generic rock music I've ever heard plays in the background. Oh man, this is going to be exquisitely painful.

0:02 "Welcome! I'm your guide, Flagman Fred," says a crazed-looking man who speaks in an odd pidgin. "There are three things you need to know before getting started!" Is one of them "abandon all hope?" Apparently not. They are: 1) Stick close to your teammates to earn boost; 2) Run in to "Pit Lollipops" (no, I don't know what that means) for random power-ups; and 3) Powerslide. "You're all set! Start your engine and have fun!" I'll do at least one of those!

0:04 Twelve manga-fied versions NASCAR drivers are selectable, with 12 more to unlock. Each has different rankings in Slide, Zone, Grind (what is this, Tony Hawk?) and Boost. I go with Kyle Busch because half of his name is totally awesome. I also get to pick a teammate, whose stats will be added to mine. Dale Ernhardt, Jr. is Kyle's perfect complement. Hooray for balance!

0:06 Four courses out of 12 are selectable in the Quick Race: Talladega, Cactus Pass, Beltway Battle and Junkyard. Boy, after Talladega they really started ignoring that NASCAR license quickly, huh?

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

MySims Kingdom

Developer: EA Redwood Shores
Publisher: EA
Release Date: Oct. 28, 2008
Systems: Wii (reviewed), DS
ESRB Rating: E
Official Web site

In a nutshell: The Cutest Wandolier

0:00 I liked the original MySims quite a bit, despite never actually going back to spend much more time with it after my initial hour. I hope this one has a little more "game" to it and a little less directionless building/exploration.

0:01 The preview screen has an incredibly cheery piano tune that expands into a trumpet and horn fanfare. I listen to it a few times on repeat -- it's just so vibrant!

0:02 Some quick loading, then some Sims on a wooden ship. They come to a kingdom where the king welcomes them. They build a bridge, then get cupcakes. Back on the boat, one guy is sitting on a cupcake. He builds a windmill and a set of speakers for a DJ. The group gets scared in a graveyard. A castle gets built and everyone cheers in front of a statue of someone. Then a rough transition: "Please connect the Nunchuk to the Wii Remote." Whoops!

0:03 The same cheery music plays over a simple menu screen with stained-glass Sims scrolling in the background. "New Game" or "Load Game" are the only options, and only one of them makes sense to me.

0:04 "Once upon a time there was a great kingdom that covered the entire world." You hear that, kids? Hegemony is great! All the lands were ruled by "a kind and wise king: Me, King Roland." He's humble, too!

0:05 Some Sims are Wandoliers who can pick up stuff with a magic wand and build it somewhere close by. But some of the Wandoliers have wandered away, leaving parts of the kingdom in disrepair. Jerks!

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Skate 2

Developer: EA Black Box
Publisher: EA
Release Date: Jan. 22, 2008
Systems: Xbox 360 (reviewed), PS3
ESRB Rating: T
Official Web site

In a nutshell: The most realistic skating experience you can have lying down on a couch.

0:00 I enjoyed my hour with the demo of the original Skate so much that it almost made up for the time I spent suffering through the Wii spin-off Skate It. Hopefully this Xbox 360 sequel will bring the joy back.

0:01 The Skate 2 logo flickers on a billboard atop a half-pipe, with random skaters skating about. The bottom shows "EA|HD: HD-compatible for optimal gaming." Er, doesn't that go without saying on the Xbox 360 these days?

0:02 Logging into my EA Nation account using the on-screen keyboard is pretty annoying. Also, what's the point of blanking out my password as I enter it if anyone can see me choosing the letters very slowly?

0:03 The camera zooms down an alley to the menu on a brick wall. "Thank You for Letting Me Be Myself" plays in the background ... appropriate for a game that lets you make your own tricks.

0:04 New Career. "Hey, get up ... it's time to go," says a guard from behind a meal slot. "It's your lucky day, boy." Surprisingly, it's HD video and not pre-rendered animation. It's like the opening to some hard-bitten crime show as I pass by other prisoners, each with the name of an actor hovering below them. Out in the prison yard, they're rolling dice and lifting weights, eating ice cream and ... playing patty cake? Reminds me of "Arrested Development" a bit.

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Mirror's Edge

Developer: DICE
Publisher: EA
Release Date: Nov. 12, 2008
Systems: Xbox 360 (reviewed), PS3
ESRB Rating: T
Official Web site

In a nutshell: The world's first first-person runner game.

0:00 I've been psyched about Mirror's Edge ever since I saw the HD trailer at this year's E3. I've been soaking up all the videos since, but the relatively low review scores are tempering my expectations. Also, I just ate, so I hope the first-person running doesn't make me lose my lunch.

0:01 The title appears in red over a cityscape in stark white and gentle blue. It's so clean and crisp ... makes Grand Theft Auto IV's burg look like crap.

0:02 Selectable difficulties are Easy and Normal, and Hard is unlockable. What, no "Insane"? No "Brutal"? No "Nightmare"? Boooring. I like the plain English explanation of the difficulties: "Normal difficulty is recommended for most players." "Easy difficulty will mainly affect the combat experience." Simple!

0:03 The game defaults to metric units. GO BACK TO FRANCE, FRENCHIE!

0:04 Overhead shot looking straight down at a city street. "Once the city used to pulse with energy. Dirty and dangerous, but alive and wonderful. Now it's something else." Most didn't notice or care about the slow changes. The ones that protested were "pushed to the sidelines ... criminalized. ... We exist on the edge between the gloss and the reality. The Mirror's Edge." Hey, that's the name of the game!

0:05 The manga-styled intro transitions into an almost photorealistic shot from a rooftop. "Training time, Faith," says a voice in my ear.

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

SimCity Creator

Developer: Hudson Soft
Publisher: Electronic Arts
Release Date: Sept. 22, 2008
Systems: Nintendo DS (reviewed), Wii
ESRB Rating: E
Official Web site

In a nutshell: A pocket metropolis.

0:00 I was a huge SimCity 2000 fan back in middle school, but I haven't touched the series since. Here's hoping this brings back my latent love of virtual urban planning.

0:01 "Build a city for the ages," says a plain white text message on a stark black background. Then a title screen in a penthouse office.

0:02 "Welcome! To the world of SimCity (tm)!" Why! Are you speaking like that!? "Out of all the games you could have bought, we thank you for choosing SimCity Creator." I don't have the heart to tell her I got my copy for free from EA.

0:03 The woman disappears and in comes the bespectacled, anime-styled "Mister! Maxis!" in a puff of smoke. "I've had my eye on SimCity ever since SimCity DS." That's some subtle name-dropping there, mister.

0:04 The measly six letters allotted for the city name aren't enough for either "Kyleton" or "Orlandia." I go with the more generic "Kville," but they change it to "Kville City." D'oh!

0:06 I get six more characters for a slogan. They suggest "Hello." I enter "E=MC2." How scientific, eh?

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Rock Band 2

Developer: Harmonix
Publisher: Electronic Arts
Release Date: Sept. 14, 2008
Systems: Xbox 360 (reviewed), PS3, Wii (later release)
ESRB Rating: T
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Rockier and Bandier
0:00 Considering I played the original game for at least 100 hours, the "more than an hour" verdict at the end of this is almost a foregone conclusion.

0:10 I'm not counting the 10 minutes or so that it took to import my original Rock Band songs to my hard drive, but I am counting the roughly 10 minutes it took to unbox and assemble the new wireless drums and guitar, so it's really a wash.

0:11 An intro movie plays with a beat-up car driving down a dusty road with a full band playing on top. Another, bigger car comes barreling down in the other direction. This one also has a band, including a big, fat, shirtless singer swinging a mace at the end of his microphone cord. They're both singing Cheap Trick's "Hello There". The cars swerve to barely avoid hitting each other and the singer with the mace dives forward. Some ill-advised riding on the undercarriage of the nearly sideways car follows as the cars turn around and bash into each other. In the end they all fly through a Rock Band 2 billboard, leaving cartoon silhouettes in their wake. ROCK!

0:13 Creating save files and we're to a mostly nondescript menu screen. "Did you check out the impossible Battle yet?" asks a message at the bottom. "Prove you are worthy of owning the game early." Heh.

0:14 I know this game is meant to be played with a large group, but no one is around, so I guess it's a solo tour for me. I start with the drums, of course.

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Spore

Developer: Maxis
Publisher: Electronic Arts
Release Date: Sept. 7, 2008
Systems: PC (reviewed), Mac, Nintendo DS
ESRB Rating: E-10+
Official Web site

In a nutshell: SimEverything

0:00 I know I already covered the Spore Creature Creator in this very column, but I feel the full game is big enough to get another taste.

0:01 I'm not including in my count the 15 minutes or so it took to install the game, nor the 15 additional minutes it took to find and install a new graphics drivers. This is why I hate PC gaming, right here.

0:02 The EA logo on a starry background, then a bunch of 2-D critters fly into a black hole in the center of the Spore logo. The black holes turns into a galaxy, then a "sign-in" screen pops in and ruins the magic.

0:03 After logging in, a persistent bell chimes as the galaxy slowly spins. A few huge planets sit atop the spiral arms of the galaxy. I pick one at random to start a New Game.

0:04 In the Cell Stage, I will "nurture [my] creation from its humble aquatic origins to its evolution as a sentient species in the epic journey of Spore." Epic! I can choose a herbivore or a carnivore. Meatasaurus, plz! I choose Normal difficulty and name my planet Kyle's Orb-land. Heh. I crack me up.

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Fight Night Round 3

Developer: EA Chicago
Publisher: EA Sports
Release Date: Feb. 20, 2006
Systems: PS3 (reviewed), Xbox 360, Xbox, PSP, PS2
ESRB Rating: T
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Reach out and punch someone

0:00 I've somehow avoided playing this series through all three iterations until today. Will this finally be the boxing game to make me forget about Punch-Out!!?

0:01 "THE LAST FIGHT DIDN'T GO YOUR WAY" blares an on-screen message. Scenes of two generic boxers pummeling each other, featuring a slow-mo shot of a face crumpling and spewing blood. "B-HOP" (as his trunks identify him) raises a fist in triumph. "SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE." And... title. What was that?

0:03 Looking over the controls, I'm tickled by the existence of an "illegal blow" button. I'm not nearly as tickled by the persistent, relatively slow loading.

0:04 I finally found a "training" option hidden in the game modes menu. I choose the sparring mode, which promises to teach me "the basics of total punch control and advanced moves." Sounds good to me!

0:06 Right off, I'm impressed with how responsive the controls are. The left stick moves me around the ring and the right stick throws a wide variety of punches. I end up jabbing the guy 30 times in a row. Heh.

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Spore Creature Creator

Developer: Maxis
Publisher: Electronic Arts
Release Date: June 18, 2008
Systems: PC, Mac
ESRB Rating: E
Official Web site

In a nutshell: And God said "It is good."

0:00 I know this isn't really a full game, but EA is selling it for nearly $10, so I figure it deserves a column. My previous experience with this game is pretty much limited to being live in the audience for this Robin Williams-led demo two years ago

0:01 I'm not including the roughly five minutes of install time in my minute-by-minute count, because I'm a horrible hypocrite.

0:02 I am, however, including the two minutes or so it took to download and install the EA download manager. Fair and balanced, that's me.

0:03 Some gentle bells and synthesizer horns play in the background as I register for a Spore account. I'm KyleOrl if you want to follow my stuff.

0:05 Account registered. There are only two options against a whirling galaxy background: "create a creature" and "load a creature." Well, since I don't have anything to load...

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer