WTF: Work Time Fun

Developer: SCEJ
Publisher: D3 Publisher
Release Date: Oct. 16, 2006
System: PSP
ESRB Rating: T
Official Web Site

In a nutshell: What if they made a game that tried its best NOT to be fun...?
0:00 Comparisons to the WarioWare series had me seeking this one out, but just as a rental. Doesn't sound deep enough to warrant a purchase, based on what I've read.

0:01 There's a large, yawning cat behind the standard screen telling me not to remove the memory card. I press X and a low, distorted announcer's voice screams "WORK TIME FUN!" The screaming guy in the background reminds me of Dr. Tran.

0:02 The default character name is "WTF Jr." I wonder how many people actually choose that name. Also, there's a "?" option for gender. That's ... inclusive, I guess. The game also asks for my blood type. I don't even know!

0:03 An old-fashioned LED message board on a silver background. "You've got mail," says the voice. It's from "WTF Net." They're here to provide support for my e-mail. Um, good to know?

0:04 To the Placement Office we go. A blue-faced demon in a robe carries a beer. "Hey! Did you eat lunch? All right, now get to work," he says. In the background, sounds of whips and screaming. Holy f***, this game is messed-UP!

0:05 Traffic Counter is the first game. "Count the people who appear from left and right. You'll lose if you count anything other than a person." Thrilling...

***-->CONTINUE READING AT CRISPY GAMER<--***

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Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad

Developer: Tamsoft
Publisher: D3 Publisher
Release Date: Feb. 10, 2009
Systems: Xbox 360 (reviewed), Wii
ESRB Rating: M
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Follow the bouncing breasts.

0:00 The bemused coverage this game has received has made me just curious enough to try it out in the Crispy game room while I'm visiting the NYC offices. Hey, it saves me the trouble of renting it, at least.

0:01 The loading screen has some cute little hand-drawn zombies trundling about on the bottom. "Warning: This game contains scenes of extreme violence and intense imagery." Um ... DUH!

0:02 The menu options include Story, Survival, Practice, Quest and Dress Up. OK ... one of those doesn't belong in that list. I just have to see the Dress Up mode before continuing.

0:03 Sure enough, there's a character standing there in an extremely revealing bikini holding three swords, one in each hand and a third on a thigh holster. Apparently I have no outfits or other options (hair color, etc.) unlocked, so she's just going to stand there mostly naked. What a shame. The smooth jazz piano music playing in the background is incongruous, to say the least.

0:04 The options screen includes the ability to choose your own blood color: Red, Pink or White. How thoughtful!

0:05 "Chapter 1: The Third Zombie Incident." What? You mean I missed the first two?

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Dark Sector

Developer: Digital Extremes
Publisher: D3 Publisher
Release Date: March 25, 2008
Systems: Xbox 360 (reviewed), PS3
ESRB Rating: M
Official Web site

In a nutshell: This game is infected with mediocrity.

0:00 I remember hearing some vague buzz about this game, but not nearly enough to buy it sight unseen. Now I'll get a chance to see it, and perhaps buy it, sight seen.

0:05 These minutes spent fiddling with the disc, trying to get the Xbox 360 to recognize it. I know this isn't the game's fault -- it's either GameFly's for sending a bad disc or Microsoft's for making a touchy system -- but I have a schedule to keep, so the clock starts ... now!

0:06 Close-up on a hand that looks like part of a statue, holding a tri-blade circular saw-thing in the pouring rain. The title appears in the foreground.

0:07 Oh, holy hell, there's a function for every face button, shoulder button, analog stick AND every direction on the d-pad. I'm never gonna keep this all straight...

0:08 The single-player option is listed on the main menu as "singlePlayer." New Game is "newGame." Man, I think I just cut myself on the EDGINESS!

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

CUBE

Developer: Metia Interactive
Publisher: D3 Publisher
Release Date: April 30, 2007
System: PSP
ESRB Rating: E

In a nutshell: "It's up to you to guide CUBE around the things CUBE can't go through."

0:01 The menu is pretty minimalist. Looks like they slapped it together at the last minute.
0:02 I work my way over to the training area without any training. The camera controls make my head spin.
0:04 When I roll over the side accidentally I stick to the wall instead of falling off. I was not expecting that.
0:07 I'm only on the second training level and already my head is spinning. The constant change of perspective by rolling around all sides of the level in 3D takes getting used to.
0:09 The constant loading is pretty annoying. It's just a few seconds every level, but it happens when you restart the level too.There's also a few second of autosaving after each level. Teeters the line between slightly annoying and unforgivable.
0:11 "Don't roll into bombs." "Avoid the bullets fired by shooters." Words to live by. Nice to see some action/reflex elements in a puzzle game.
0:19 Holy crap! Ai is a big spiky cube that shoots bullets. He's like a goth cube.
0:20 Finally done with training. Lots of building blocks to play with: traps, walls, buttons, etc. Let's see what they can do with them.
0:25 Level 4 actually requires some thought and a restart. I'm getting vertigo from all this rotating.
0:31 Level 7's the first one that really gives me trouble. I have to figure out how to push a block into just the right place. Turns out you have to use another block as a platform. Tricksy.
0:34 I really like the percussion-heavy background music. They're catchy without being repetitive and annoying.
0:40 The easy mode levels show some inventiveness, but they're too straightforward and over in 30 seconds or less. Time to move on to something harder.
0:41 Or not... apparently the harder levels are locked until you finish the earlier levels. WHo are they to tell me what levels I'm ready for? At least you can skip levels you can't finish.
0:43 This game is messing with my spatial relations. As I type I expect the laptop screen to rotate. A sure sign of a good game.
0:44 One problem with the camera... it can be hard to tell if a bomb is in front of you or slightly above or to the side. It's only slightly annoying so far, but I can see it being a potentially big problem.
0:52 Level 14 annoyingly includes a key that you can't get if you pass by it.
0:58 Remember that bomb problem I mentioned a few minutes ago? I die again and again in level 15 to bombs I didn't know were threats. Groan.

Would I play this game for more than an hour? Yes
Why? Just to see what more complex puzzles they can come up with.

This review based on a retail copy rented from GameFly.

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Puzzle Quest

Developer: Infinite Interactive
Publisher: D3 Publisher
Release Date: March 20, 2007
Systems: DS (reviewed), PSP
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Match jewels to get mana, use mana to cast spells, use spells to kill enemies. Repeat.

0:01 I love the random fantasy name generator they seem to use for your character. Sanimin? Enaniel? I finally settle on Feramina, a well-balanced Wizard.
0:02 Another great name: Queen Qwendholyn. Gwendolyn was just too common, eh?
0:04 My character think her dead grandfather was crazy because he said on his death bed that he was battling skeletons. Why is that crazy? Because skeletons haven't been seen in Agaria for centuries. Not because, y'know, living skeletons are NOT REAL or anything crazy like that.
0:06 The non-attacking training dummy is defeated. I like the triumphant music and the "You are victorious!" message. Uh, the thing doesn't attack. I would hope I'd be victorious.
0:12 I show how bad I am at these games by losing the second training battle. My moves always seem to set up the opponent for something much better. I should pay attention to that.
0:17 I play a little more strategically this time, looking for damage-causing skulls and only casting spells when I have no better options. I Am Victorious, and the game proclaims it so.
0:18 There's quite the wide array of level up options. I choose fire and battle as specialties.
0:21 A battle with a thief is over all too quickly. I'm not that impressed with my new spell, "Channel Fire." Changes 9 other mana into 5 fire mana. Whoo.
0:23 "Lord Bane, the dark horsemen of death." Why aren't the bad guys ever named Smith or Jones?
0:25 Seems a cult is raising skeletons from the dead. That'll teach my character to be skeptical.
0:26 Channel Fire actually comes in handy when a dearth of red orbs comes up. That'll teach me to be skeptical.
0:29 The touch controls are a little too sensitive. I keep making accidental moves. Also, the music is like a dirge. Where's the uplifting battle theme?
0:30 Another victory. They're handing out skill points like candy.
0:35 I can't figure out how to figure out what my new spells do.
0:38 Figured it out. The help button is actually helpful.
0:39 I get slain by a lowly skeleton who KEEPS LUCKING INTO FREAKING FOUR-IN-A-ROW EXTRA TURNS ARGGHHHH! Not that I'm bitter.
0:40 Not that losing seems to matter... I get experience and try again. Hooray for forgiving game design.
0:42 I lose again... even quicker than before. That skeleton always seems to find the chains. Maybe I should stop just picking the first match I find.
0:46 Loving the new Haste spell. Four-in-a-row gets me an extra turn plus damage? Yes please.
0:47 I finally win by focusing exclusively on the skulls. The strategy is beginning to clarify a bit.
0:51 The Giant Zombie's only attack is "Eat Skulls." Accurate!
0:53 The zombie just got 5 turns in a row. Freakin' A!
0:55 The opposing action moves so fast, it's hard to keep track of what's going on on both screens. Meanwhile: "Eat Skulls does just what it advertises," by removing the skulls from the board. There goes my strategy.
0:57 I get the skeleton down to one hit point, then he finishes me off with a killer barrage. ARGH!

Would I play this game for more than an hour: Maybe.
Why? Great design, intriguing strategy and colorful graphics. But I suck!

This review is based on a retail version of the game borrowed from a friend.