Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
Halo: Reach (beta)
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Alan Wake
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Don't B Nervous Talking 2 Girls
Developer: Silver Dollar Games
Publisher: Microsoft
Release Date: Dec. 8, 2009
System: Xbox 360
ESRB Rating: N/A
Official Web site
In a nutshell: Don't be nervous watching videos of a girl who acts completely irrationally.
0:00 I haven't been nervous talking to girls at least since I met the woman who would become my wife close to 10 years ago. That said, when I heard that there was an indie game with this title on Xbox Live, I knew I had to try it out. Plus it only costs 80 Microsoft Points. That's a freaking dollar. For that price, I'm relatively sure it'll be worth it.
0:01 Two badly hand-drawn women, a blonde and a brunette, hold placards with the title of the game. A blonde girl in a tight green sweater appears on a small video in the corner. "Welcome to Don't Be Nervous Talking to Girls. You'll be presented with multiple challenges. The goal of each challenge will be to get my number and make a new friend." Yeah ... I don't think "making a new friend" is really what "getting her number" is usually about, but whatever.
0:02 On to "How to play: Your goal is to get Jessica's phone number at 8 locations." Uh ... isn't getting it once enough? Maybe she keeps changing her number? Shouldn't that be a sign that we're not meant to be together? Am I actually a stalker?
0:04 Let's start with Stage 1: The Library. A blonde in a yellow top with a thin waist holds an iPhone and looks at me expectantly on the intro screen. Then another video of the green-sweatered girl. I can tell we're in a library because there's a stack of books in the back, even though she's just standing there. "Hey, how's it going," she says in a friendly, non-threatening manner. The potential answers are "Good." or "Never better. What book are you reading?" What do I do? Which should I pick? WHY AM I SO NERVOUS TALKING TO GIRLS?!
0:05 I ask about the book. "Oh, I was just doing some math homework. But it's not going too well." This despite the fact that she has no visible book or math papers in front of her. But whatever... I go the cocky route and tell her "I'm a whiz at math."
0:06 "Well, math whiz, what's the answer to this: 4 + 7 - 1 x 7." Did I accidentally download Don't B Nervous Doing Basic Math Problems? Also, the girl in this video looks college age at least. Why is she doing second-grade arithmetic? I choose the right answer from four multiple-choice options (Multiple-choice? Really? The problem isn't easy enough?) "Awesome, thanks," she says. I wonder if she'd know if I gave the wrong answer. And if so ... how?
Friday, August 28, 2009
Trials HD
Developer: RedLynx
Publisher: Microsoft
Release Date: Aug. 12, 2009
System: Xbox 360
ESRB Rating: T
Official Web site
In a nutshell: If real motorcycling is this hard, no wonder there are so many accidents.
0:00 After hearing this one frequently described as the second coming of the NES favorite ExciteBike, I figured $15 wasn't too much to ask.
0:01 "Monday Monday Monday. It's Monday Night Show Tiiiime," says an announcer over the introductory logos. Drum-heavy generic rock over a simple, dirty title screen.
0:02 Controls look simple enough ... gas and break on the shoulder triggers, lean forward and back with the analog stick. Let's go!
0:03 Difficulty choices are Beginner, Easy, Medium, Hard and Extreme. I start with Beginner, even though I assume it will be totally simple and boring. I start the tutorial in the only available bike, a tiny Turtle 80cc. Looks way too small for my large, muscular rider.
0:04 I hold down RT to go full-throttle right out of the gate. There are some small ramps, but it's a relatively flat course. I show off on the last straightaway with some wheelies. After the finish line, my rider crashes into some plywood and big rubber tires. Ouch. Already I'm not a fan of the diagonal camera view, which makes depth perception a bit of a problem.
0:05 The next track is full of distracting explosions to the side of my biker's path. I'm doing fine, until I lean too far forward during a jump and end up riding nearly vertically on my front wheel after the landing. I fall over into the world's gentlest crash. It's almost slow-motion.
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Labels: Microsoft, motorcycle, Racing, redlynx, Xbox Live Arcade
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Fable 2
Developer: Lionhead
Publisher: Microsoft
Release Date: Oct. 21, 2008
System: Xbox 360
ESRB Rating: M
Official Web site
In a nutshell: A plodding introduction to an epic tale.
0:00 I'm vaguely fond of action-RPGs, but I came to the original Xbox too late to really dive into the original Fable. Fable 2 has all sorts of buzz to live up to.
0:01 A downloadable update is available, which I find somewhat surprising since the game was officially released less than half an hour ago. The download only takes a few seconds. Thank god this isn't a PS3 game!
0:02 The title appears in white lightning in front of an oddly silent forest. As I hit the A button, a vaguely British voice intones: "And so our story begins."
0:04 "But who is the hero of this game?" I can choose to be a boy or a girl, both of whom look thoroughly modern despite the Renaissance-style setting. "And let HIS destiny unfold," says the voice.
0:05 After some longish loading, a cut scene: A bird lands on a wrecked pillar, then flies through a winter forest and into to a massive town. Zoom in close on the town: A man in a large top hat coughs roughly as people go about their daily business. In the background, a medieval choir chants. The bird flits off a roof and we get a slow-mo, "Matrix"-like pan shot of a bit of poop, which lands on my character's head. "I hear that's lucky," says my companion Rose, "Like finding a four leaf clover ... though I think I'd prefer the clover." She calls me "Little Sparrow."
Read the full review at Crispy Gamer
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Castle Crashers
Developer: The Behemoth
Publisher: Microsoft
Release Date: Aug. 27, 2008
System: Xbox 360
ESRB Rating: T
Official Web site
In a nutshell: Crash them castles.
0:00 I feel like I've been hearing about this game for decades. I played it for roughly two seconds at E3 and it seemed fun enough. But fun enough for an hour? We shall see.
0:01 I know this is game is best experienced as a multiplayer whack-fest (Dirty!) but, as usual during my lunch break, no one is around. Furthermore, there's not even anyone on my Xbox Live friends list. What are these people doing in the middle of a busy work day? You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone....
0:03 For a game that I thought was just about hacking and slashing, the controls and "How to Play" are surprisingly deep. Items, shops, combos, magic, leveling.... It looks like they really packed a lot in here.
0:06 After quite a bit of reading about all that stuff, we're on to the character select screen, which has a distinct The Simpsons Arcade Game vibe. I choose the green knight, because green is the most awesomest color.
0:07 My green guy is rocking out to some bards in a tavern, when another knight comes tumbling down a stairway, dead. The other celebrating knights run off to investigate, and I'm in control.
Read the full review at Crispy Gamer
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Labels: action, behemoth, Microsoft, Xbox 360, Xbox Live Arcade
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Braid
Developer: Number None
Publisher: Microsoft
Release Date: Aug. 6, 2008
Systems: Xbox 360 (reviewed), PC
ESRB Rating: E10+
Official Web site
In a nutshell: Not the hair-braiding simulator I was expecting.
0:00 Designer Jonathan Blow himself gave me a personal demo of this game back a few E3s ago. Been looking forward to it ever since, and now that it's here, it seems everyone is sharing in that excitement.
0:01 The title appears rendered in fire over a red and black oil-painting cityscape. A silhouette of a small man is on the left. "Use the left analog stick to move," is my only instruction. Let's-a go.
0:02 As I walk from the dark city into a bright interior room, my character turns from silhouette to a little tow-headed little boy with red hair, a red tie and a blue blazer. Elegiac strings fill the background as we enter "World 2." (I guess this is World 1?)
0:03 "Time and forgiveness" is the name of the world. Tim (our protagonist) made a mistake and now has to find a princess taken by a monster. "Our world, with its rules of causality, has trained us to be miserly with forgiveness." Heady stuff.
Read the full review at Crispy GamerTuesday, October 16, 2007
Project Gotham Racing 4
Developer: Bizarre Creations
Publisher: Microsoft
Release Date: Oct. 2, 2007
Systems: Xbox 360
ESRB Rating: E
Official Web Site
In a nutshell: Geometry Wars Racer
0:01 A car porn intro. flies in quick succession between Las Vegas, New York City, St. Petersburg, London, Quebec, Macau, Tokyo, Shanghai, the Michelin Test Track and Nurburgring. Wait, what was that second to last one? Who cares about a test track when you've got that amazing list of cities.
0:04 Customizing cars is for chumps. Customizing riders is where it's at. I can choose all sorts of crazy colors and designs for my driving suit. Whoohoohoohoo! Yeah!
0:06 Let's start with arcade mode. The "Catch Me If You Can" event sounds intriguing. I mean, I did like the movie.
0:08 To start I have my choice of a selection of crappy cars. If I want more I need to earn kudos in races for performing drifts and such. I like how difficulty options transcend the usual Bronze through Gold paradigm to include Steel and Platinum on the extremes. I don't like how you have to choose your achievement level before the start. Can't they just give you whatever you earned based on performance at the end?
0:10 One lap done and I already have over 500 kudos. The things are falling like candy for "clean sections" and "nice corners." I'm not even trying, here.
0:11 I come in third mainly because I accidentally hit the handbrake button and crash after unpausing. I only paused, incidentally, to write that note at minute-mark ten. Don't say I never sacrifice for my readers. Oh I do!
0:14 This time I try and get too fancy with the powerslides and end up in third again. Apparently when you're going two miles an hour in a dinky little car you don't need to go nuts on the powerslides. My mistake.
0:16 My third try nets me first place easily. I barely used the brake this time. Turns out I'm in the top 37% on Xbox Live. Nice of the game to calculate that for me.
0:19 Course No. 2 (Venice) has some extremely sharp turns and narrow alleys. So much for the learning curve. Seems more like a learning wall at this point.
0:20 The loading when you restart a race is annoying, but not overly so. About 20 seconds from finish to start, overall.
0:30 After six restarts on the Venice track, I finally manage to finish a race without crashing into a wall. I'm still in fourth, though, mainly because I'm getting beat on the straightaways. Maybe a less crappy car is in order.
0:31 Seems I can't afford a better car yet. OK... maybe I'll try my one and only bike.
0:34 Not only does the bike have better pickup and maneuverability than the car, but you can also see the driver make cool gesture when he passes another car. Sign me up.
0:39 I pause to restart a race that's going badly and I get distracted by the photo mode. I spend the next five minutes positioning my racer and taking dramatic photos of him from all angles. The special effects are nuts -- there's even an f-stop option. They should have called this game Project PHOTO Racer 4.
0:40 Even with the bike, I can't seem to finish higher than fourth on this freakin' track. Enough of this nonsense, on to the oddly named "Drifto 101."
0:43 Apparently the nearly 200 Kudo "points" I earned are only worth 13 Kudo "stars." That would be enough for a bronze medal, but since I chose to go for the gold, I get nothing. Sigh.
0:46 I'm coming to the conclusion that I pretty much suck at this game. I keep hitting walls, I can't pull off drifts correctly, and overall I'm just too heavy on the accelerator. For the most part I blame myself instead of the game, which I suppose is a testament to the beauty and simplicity of the controls. Still, this is pretty unforgiving. I mean, I'm no slouch at driving games in general.
0:52 Weaving between carefully placed cones in "cone mode" is a little more my speed, but even here I can't even manage a silver on the first try. This game requires some pretty insanely careful driving, which might not be for everyone.
0:57 Knowing the course a bit and driving a lot more carefully, I come out with the Silver. This is a much more tactical driving experience than I was expecting. Everything is about precision of speed and curves. It's pretty elegant when you get it to work, though.
0:58 I unlock the "Best of British" pack and get some cars from companies I've never heard of. Norton? Vanwall? Mazda? Wait, I guess that last one wasn't part of the pack...
1:00 Speed camera mode is interesting... it only cares about speed at certain key points on the track. The Silver goes down easy... Platinum, not so much. Still, I like the variety past "finish in first place" mode.
Would I play this game for more than an hour? Yes.
Why? Despite the difficulty I've had so far, I feel like I'd have fun learning to get better.
This review based on a retail copy provided by Microsoft.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Halo 3
Developer: Bungie
Publisher: Microsoft
Release Date: Sept. 25, 2007
Systems: Xbox 360
ESRB Rating: M
Official Web Site
Also see: An hour with the Halo 3 multiplayer beta test
In a nutshell: If one of the biggest marketing campaigns in the world didn't clue you in, nothing I write will.
0:01 "Aahhhhh ahhh ahhhh ahh ahh ahh ahh" the choir sings over a twilit menu screen. I like the descriptions for the difficulty levels. Easy says it "practically plays itself," Legendary punishes the slightest error with death and Hard is "the way Halo is meant to be played." Normal for me, please.
0:02 Stars. "They let me pick," Cortana says. "Did I ever tell you that. Choose whichever Spartan I wanted. You know me, I did my research, watched as you became the solider we needed you to be." It's a regular Master Chief lovefest. She says I'm lucky as a shooting star comes to Earth.
0:03 It turns out the shooting star was me. I fell two kilometers and was found by a group of military guys. Eventually I wake up. "Why do you always jump?" a gruff looking marine tells me. "One of these days you're gonna land on something as stubborn as you are." Heh. Cortana's words echo in my ears: "Don't make a girl a promise if you know you can't keep it."
0:04 I'm in control already. My armor's a bit messed up from the fall, so one of the guys makes me look up and down at a target. Is this the game's subtle way of doing analog calibration?
0:05 Oh, I'm no longer in control. Apparently there's an arbiter with our team. The same marine from before stops me before I can kill him. Loading screen...
0:06 OK, time for action. We're trying to make it to the river for an evacuation. The jungle is incredibly lush and beautifully rendered. But it's quiet... too quiet.
0:08 Some of my compatriots climb up a ledge. I can't figure out how to follow them. I'm the freakin' master chief... I should be able to climb five feet!
0:09 Doubling back (since I can't climb on), I come across a small invading force. My team and I force them back easily with some covering fire. I'm impressed with their retreat -- shows some intelligence.
0:13 We come to a ledge and spy a small group of far off enemies, I can't get a good zoom with my current weapons, so I just jump down, guns blazing, outrunning my reinforcements. I almost die, but my shields recharge quickly as I hide behind a crate. That was simple.
0:15 First wow moment... we stumble across a huge glowing dude punching and ripping apart a marine. Just as I zoom in to watch, a battle starts.
0:16 The lighting here is really amazing. I really feel like I'm under a thick forest canopy.
0:18 Cortana appears in my helmet: "Could you sacrifice me to complete your mission. Could you watch me die?" Shades of BioShock's creepy imaginings.
0:21 The planes that were gonna extract us go down to enemy fire. D'oh! Now we have to find the wreckage.
0:22 Whoops. As I try to jump a small log I accidentally fall to my death into the river below. Yeah, I suck. Also: seeing enemies explodes via their own grenades is priceless.
0:24 "Can you hear me. My bird's down. Half a click *static* from your position." Wow, that static was conveniently timed, eh?
0:25 I'm really liking the AI so far. Enemies jump to the side to avoid fire and work well as a group.
0:26 My first non-suicidal death... I'm taken out by a needler that has the high ground. I see him with plenty of time but can't get back to cover quickly enough.
0:27 This time I take the sniper out from afar using my Carbine. Nothing to it.
0:28 A brute puts up an energy shield, then immediately runs right through it to attack me. Weird, that.
0:30 Cut scene time. The friendly arbiter points out the brutality of his kin. "I will help you spring him." Well aren't you sweet?
0:32 Being trapped in a corner with no ammo. really sucks and leads to death #2. I really should have picked up more weapons as I went.
0:35 Another death. This is a lot harder with only one ally, and the checkpoint save seems to have left me with only 5 brute shots to start. This is not going to be easy.
0:36 Enough cautious planning ... this time I go in guns blazing. I die much more quickly.
0:37 OK, I finally get some ammo. and make it to an access tunnel that seems to avoid the main enemy force. No light at the end of the tunnel, though... just a huge brute bitch slaps me back to the stone age with a giant club. Oy!
0:40 I'm getting pretty proficient with the plasma pistol. It's quickly becoming my weapon of choice.
0:44 This is getting old. I've now died four times to the same big guy with the energy club at the end of the tunnel. At least this time they restart me at a closer checkpoint. Did the game detect how much I suck and have pity?
0:46 Whoo. I finally beat the guy by drawing him slowly into the tunnels and continually firing as I retreat
0:48 Taking down a turret on the bow of a flying ship = cool. Taking down the whole ship with the help of allies = awesome. Having friendly air support come and take out all the ground enemies = triple awesome.
0:51 We come to a base of some sort. "Tell the commander her ace is in the hole." Dirty!
0:52 Lots of story gets thrown out quickly. We stopped Halo temporarily, but the prophet of truth is looking to launch all the Halo rings which will "destroy every sentient being in the galaxy." Sure... who wouldn't want to do that. The power goes out in the middle of a briefing on our next move. The prophet comes on the screen. "All of you vermin, cowering in the dirt, thinking... what, I wonder. That you might escape the coming fire? No, your world will burn until it's surface is glass... Your destruction is the will of the gods. And I... I am their instrument." Creepy.
0:54 Time to evacuate. "They're requesting a rally point. Where should they go." "To war." Cheesy!
0:55 Back in control. No enemies yet... I get a chance to scope out the lay of the land before the imminent attack. I watch some rats crawling around base... nice touch.
0:57 So they entered through the hangar. My allies tell me to go help fend them off. Great! Er, where's the hangar, again?
0:58 "The marines downstairs could use your help." But they told me to come up here! Ah, an on-screen arrow points the way to the hangar door
1:00 OK, I went through the door and found an empty corridor that seem to be a dead end. A voice in my ear tells me I need to clear the hangar. I'd love to! Really, I would! Help me!
1:03 Finally, stumbled upon the hangar and a few short bursts of action. Feels pretty similar to the jungle battles, though. Is this all there is to the game?
Would I play this game for more than an hour? Yes
Why? There have been some awesome moments and amazing-looking environments, even though it's already getting a bit repetitive and it's not really my style of game.
This review based on a retail copy provided by Microsoft, and an Xbox 360 borrowed from a friend. Thanks again Mike.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Crackdown
Developer: Realtime Worlds
Publisher: Microsoft
Release Date: Feb. 20, 2007
System: Xbox 360
Official Web site
In a nutshell: As a superpowered cop, run around a city blowing stuff up. Oh yeah, and prevent crime, or something.
0:01 The selectable difficulty levels are Tough, Ruthless, and Psychotic. Now that's hardcore! I'm not, though, so I'll stick with Tough.
0:02 "It's all gone to shit and it keeps on rising and it's about to hit the fan." I love compound metaphors.
0:04 The game freezes before I can get into the car. Well that's just great.
0:07 Restart, skip the opening cinema and we're back in business.
0:09 Who needs guns when you can just run over the gang-bangers. Fun!
0:10 I put off getting weapons to do a road race of some sort.
0:11 I can run over lamp posts like they aren't there but fire hydrants slow me down. What the hell?
0:12 The game freezes after race checkpoint 16 of 62. Are we having fun yet?
0:16 One more time!
0:18 I came out of the tunnel and my car blew up. I have no idea how or why. Now I'm being told "death is not the end" because they can clone me or something. What a convoluted explanation for a videogame convention.
0:22 I know car engine noises add realism and all, but who thought that I'd want them to drown out the music? A quick trip to the options screen fixes things.
0:24 Finally some shooting. Tap L, Tap R a few times. Pretty damn easy, so far.
0:27 I somehow get lost on the freeway trying to get to my next mission. Just like in real life, I have no sense of direction. Not like in real life, I can abandon my car and go on foot, which is much more convenient.
0:33 I know I'm a super-soldier cop and all, but it seems I can take a ridiculous number of gunshots without even denting my armor. And if it gets low, I can easily go hide and let it regenerate. I'm practically invincible. Maybe Tough difficulty was a bad choice.
0:36 The game freezes AGAIN as I approach a supply point. The disc looks OK to me. What the hell is going on?
0:39 At least I have some progress saved this time.
0:41 The wanderers in the mall seem extremely blase about an armored guy running around with a gun.
0:45 I take it back, I am not an invincible super-soldier. Going in guns blazing got me blown up good. Time for a little more finesse this time.
0:46 "An additional downloadable content package is required to access this weapon. Would you like to purchase it." No. I already paid for the game. I don't want to buy more pieces of it.
0:51 Nice of these gang member to just stand there while I kill them. Also nice of them not to swarm in on me when I'm at my most vulnerable even though they're only five or so feet away and in plain sight.
0:53 Now I need a downloadable content pack to play a mission I've been fighting to reach for the past ten minutes. Smooth.
0:54 I don't know why I didn't mention it yet, but I love the floaty, hand waving jump animation. Wheee!
0:55 OK, I understand Martinez is a gang leader, so he should be harder than a normal thug, but he's wearing a Hawaiian shirt, khakis and no other protection. How can he take literally hundreds of bullets and still get up? In a game that feels the need to explain regeneration with "cloning" this is "unrealistic."
Would I play this game for more than an hour: Maybe.
Why? As Grand Theft Auto clones go, it's not bad, and jumping from rooftop to rooftop is lots of fun. But three freezes in one hour is simply not acceptable.
This review is based on a rental copy of the game from Gamefly.
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Labels: action, Crackdown, crime, Microsoft, Realtime Worlds, shoot 'em up, Xbox 360
Monday, June 4, 2007
Halo 3
Developer: Bungie
Publisher: Microsoft
Release Date: Sept. 25, 2007
System: Xbox 360
In a nutshell: Shoot people. Don't get shot.
0:01 Aw, the development team signed the loading screen "Love, Bungie." I think I'm tearing up.
0:10 I freaking hate sniper rifles! I almost got a single kill during an intense firefight around an ice pillar. Then some guy kills me from miles away. Story of my life. Also, looking at your own shadow is freaking awesome!
0:20 Match 2 over. Four kills. NOT LAST place! Aiming seems kind of important. Maybe I should work on that. Stop calling me a killjoy, game!
0:30 It occurs to me that the other people playing this game in the middle of the day probably have enough free time to put in a lot more practice than I have. Thus I rationalize yet another crappy performance.
0:40 The feeling of zooming in on a guys face and putting a sniper bullet between his eyes as he charges blindly towards you is not to be undersold.
0:50 My singular goal in life is now to kill someone with the spartan laser.
1:00 After years in the dark, I finally understand the big deal about dual wielding. It got me three freaking kills in a row, and six total! I'm almost a pro!
Would I play this game for more than an hour: Maybe.
Why? Still gotta get that laser kill, but I can't see myself putting in the hours to actually become good enough to hold my own at multiplayer.
This review is based on an early multiplayer public beta version of the game.
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Labels: bungie, first-person shooter, Halo, Microsoft, Xbox 360