Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode I

Developers: Sonic Team, Dimps

Publisher: Sega
Release Date: Oct. 12, 2010
Systems: PS3 (reviewed), Xbox 360, Wii, iPhone/iPod Touch
ESRB Rating: E
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Still Sonic after all these years...

0:00 The only 3D Sonic game I enjoyed even a little bit was the extremely underrated Sonic 3D Blast, so I'm more than happy the series is finally returning to its 2D roots after 15 years.

0:01 The music on the preview screen is annoyingly repetitive, and not even in a catchy, old-school way.

0:02 Oh man they reprised the old school "Seeegaaaaaa" introductory chant. I half expect the classic Sonic title theme to follow, but instead it's the same annoying preview screen music. Bleh.

0:03 We dive right into Splash Hill Zone, Act 1: "The Adventure Begins." I'll catch ya when I'm done.

0:06 Yup, that's some old-school Sonic all right, right down to the loops and the springboards and the constant tension between running as fast as possible and searching the massive levels for hidden paths and items. The biggest difference, right off, is the mid-air homing attack that lets me zoom right to nearby enemies. I'm used to it from the 3D games, but it just feels odd here. Even if there's nothing to home in on, I can use it to change directions in mid-air, which is probably the closest Sonic will ever get to a double jump. I’ll take it.

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***-->AT GAMERONI<-***

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Sonic Unleashed

Developer: Sonic Team
Publisher: Sega
Release Date: Nov. 18, 2008
Systems: Xbox 360 (reviewed), PS3, PS2, Wii
ESRB Rating: E-10+
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Who says schizophrenia is a bad thing?

0:00 I believe I got this one when I was scheduled to review it for Crispy Gamer, but then the review got bumped for something more interesting. The people who have actually reviewed it didn't seem to like it much, so my expectations are quite low.

0:01 The title appears to soaring trumpet and string music on a starry black field. Reminds me of Super Mario Galaxy 2. Man, I wish I was playing that right now.

0:02 I switch to the Japanese voices because they are almost always better delivered. I don't know if that's because they actually care more or because I can't actually understand what they're saying. Oh well. New Game!

0:04 A shot of the earth's curvature from high up in space. Pan up to show a galactic fleet of mega-ships... very evocative of the Star Wars opening. Zoom in on a laughing Dr. Eggman. "Oh ho ho ho! Hmmmmm?! Sonic!" Blue walkers rise to face the hedgehog, who's landed on the deck. "Fire!" yells Eggman as cannons let out a fusillade. Sonic runs past the cannon fire and destroys the robots with some spinning jumps. Machine gun fire... homing missiles... nothing can touch him, until Eggman's walker sends out a large metal hand to grab him. Sonic grins coyly, then turns into glowing, golden Super Sonic and flies away into space, the ship exploding behind him. I wonder why he didn't just fly in as Super Sonic in the first place...

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Mad World

Developer: Platinum Games
Publisher: Sega
Release Date: March 10, 2009
System: Wii
ESRB Rating: M
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Fucking ream those fuckers with some ridiculously fucking over-the-top violence!

0:00 I believe I bought this one on hype alone, then proceeded to not touch it for over a year now. Let's see if stylish ultra-violence can work on the Wii.

0:01 There's a silent chainsaw blade rotating around the "orld" part of the title. HARDCORE!

0:02 An overhead angle shot of a metropolis in stark black lines on a white background. Comic-book-style panels show close up scenes of disaster -- flaming cars, bridges reduced to rubble. A flaming skyline. "As you can see, all eight bridges to Jefferson Island have been cut," says a newscaster. "There is no traffic getting on or off the island." Communications have been blacked out for 18 hours and the cops have been told to stay away. "We have no intention of giving in to any such demands," says the police commissioner just as a helicopter explodes. The mayor says "all necessary measures are being taken" and that he's personally authorized a special team of marines to go in. I didn't know mayors could just order in the Marines. Isn't that the president's job?

0:04 Zoom in on Jefferson City. A reject from Frank Miller's Dark Knight comics throws another into a flaming barrel. A spiky haired punk waves an equally spiky bat. One more thug beats a defenseless man on the ground. A low zoom starts on my character's boots, then pans up and out to show him taking a slow drag on a cigarette. He reminds me of Hellboy without the horns. "Who, me? Ready as always." Um... who are you talking to? No one said anything requiring a response.

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Super Monkey Ball: Step and Roll

Developer: Sega

Publisher: Sega

Release Date: Feb. 9, 2010

System: Wii

ESRB Rating: E

Official Web site

​

In a nutshell: A step towards frustrating controls.

0:00 I've been a huge Super Monkey Ball fan since I pre-ordered the first game along with my Gamecube back in 2001. I'm a little worried that the Balance Board won't be precise enough for the tight controls these games need, but this is probably the closest simulation I'll get to actually being in a Monkey Ball, at least until I can buy one of these.

0:01 The preview screen features what sounds like Meemee and Aiai having a conversation in a high-pitched, chittering monkey language. Quite the annoying way to start a game.

0:02 A monkey in a sleeveless tee yells at Gongon for sleeping on a pile of bananas. Then the Sega logo pops up and we get a title screen with monkeys running by on a rainbow in the background. The super-cheerful music makes up for the annoying chittering from before.

0:04 The Wii Balance Board is on and confirmed working. Apparently you can play without it, which I think is a bad sign... like they didn't trust the Balance Board controls to carry the game. Let's start with the main game. I choose Gongon because he's the picture of monkey masculinity, just like me.

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Sonic 2 (iPhone)

Developer: Sonic Team

Publisher: Sega

Release Date: Late April 2010

System: iPhone/iPod Touch

ESRB Rating: E

In a nutshell: Not quite uncontrollable, but not quite controllable either...

0:00 The original Sonic 2 was the primary reason I bought a used Genesis to go with my beloved SNES as a child. That said, I'm not at all confident the game will be as enjoyable when controlled via touchscreen. Some games just need buttons, I think.

0:01 A good ten seconds of loading precede Sonic running in front of the traditional "SEGA" screen, complete with singers chanting the name. The title is the same as ever: "Sonic and Miles 'Tails' Prower in... Sonic the Hedgehog 2" Oh man, this takes me back. I remember being SO impressed with those big character sprites back in the day.

0:02 I tap the screen to bring up a ridiculously bare bones menu, and tap it again to bring up the familiar Emerald Hill Zone, Act 1. The scene is stretched nicely to fill the whole iPod. There's a little translucent d-pad in the lower lefthand corner and a little A button in the lower right. Hey, what if I want to use the B or C buttons? I know they all do the same thing, but still.

0:04 So far it's surprisingly easy to place my thumb in the center of the d-pad picture and kind of rock it back and forth to move. I get hit by a few coconut-throwing monkeys, but I feel like that's my fault, not the game's.

0:05 I've already collected my first 100 rings and my first an extra life, so I guess the controls can't be that bad. So far the game runs with nary a hiccup on my 2nd gen iPod. "Sonic Got Through Act 1" and earned a continue in the process.

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***-->JOYSTICK DIVISION<--***

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Super Monkey Ball 2

Developer: Other Ocean
Publisher: Sega
Release Date: Dec. 2, 2009
System: iPhone/iPod Touch
ESRB Rating: N/A
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Super Monkey Tilt 'N' Tumble

0:00 My first experience with iPhone gaming was playing the first Super Monkey Ball on a friend's brand-new phone just after it launched. I found the game to be an impossible-to-control mess, which is a shame, because I loved the console Super Monkey Ball games. Here's hoping this one is an improvement.

0:01 A few logos, then right to the title screen, with a picture of the four core Monkeys and some bouncy, catchy music. Baby has on a Geordi La Forge visor for some reason.

0:02 Mini-games? There are mini-games? Nice! I'll save them for dessert, though. For now, it's on to the main game. There's an option for a tutorial, but I think I know how this works by now and just dive in.

0:03 I pick Gongon, because he's the biggest and manliest of the available monkeys by far. I can spin a globe around to choose what world I want, but everything except for Jumble Jungle is an inky black. Let's do this!

0:04 "Welcome to Super Monkey Ball 2. Let's cover a few basic tips before getting into the game." Wait ... I thought I skipped the tutorial. Oh well. Tilt the iPod to move ... a tilt meter in the corner shows whether you're centered or not. I roll forward down an arrow-straight path and reach the white light as instructed. I like how the game treats holding the iPod downward at a natural, 45-degree viewing angle as "centered." Too many other games force you to hold it level and look straight down.

0:05 A second tutorial level introduces turning, with nice high walls to protect me from falling to my doom. Turns are a little shallower than I expect, but when I slow down they get sharper. So far the controls feel entirely natural and intuitive. I think they may have actually gotten it right this time.

***-->CONTINUE READING AT CRISPY GAMER<--***

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The Conduit

Developer: High Voltage Software
Publisher: Sega
Release Date: June 23, 2009
System: Wii
ESRB Rating: T
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Exploding the conspiracy that says the Wii can't do a good first-person shooter.

0:00 I liked the short hands-off demo I got of this game at GDC, and it's been sitting unopened on my shelf for far too long now. Let's do it to it! To the Condu-it, to be precise. HA!

0:01 The title screen features some generic spy-thriller music and a gentle blue background. Right off, I'm shocked that the screen doesn't fill up my widescreen display. This is the kind of game that could definitely benefit from using the entire display. What's up with that?

0:02 The game uses "Mr.Ford" as my default name, and I stick with it, even though they forgot the space after the period. Yes, I am a punctuation nerd.

0:03 Selectable difficulties are Low, Guarded, Elevated, High and Severe? Is this a game or the Homeland Security Advisory System? I'll play at Elevated, because that's our current terrorism alert level, according to DHS. I'm all about the realism!

0:04 The options menu lets me move around the location of my health, ammo, etc. on the heads-up display. It's a nice touch, but in the end I trust the designers to have them placed correctly...

0:05 The selectable controller layouts are named Ford, Washington, Adams and Jefferson. What is this, "National Treasure"?

***-->CONTINUE READING AT CRISPY GAMER<--***

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Sega Superstar Tennis

Developer: Sumo Digital
Publisher: Sega
Release Date: March 17, 2008
System: Wii (reviewed), PS2, PS3, Xbox 360, Nintendo DS
ESRB Rating: E-10+
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Unforgettable characters play forgettable tennis.

0:00 What can I say, ever since I played Mario Golf/Tennis, I'm a sucker for cute characters in unpopular sports (See: Hot Shots Tennis, We Love Golf, etc.). I'm a big Sega fan in general, too, so I'm looking forward to playing with some classic characters.

0:01 Aiai from Super Monkey Ball bounces a ball and serves to Beat from Jet Set Radio. Ulala from Space Channel 5 returns the ball with an overhead Smash, then Amigo from Samba de Amigo does some wall jumps off a cliff and hits it back. Nights from, er, NiGHTS hits it to Dr. Eggman from Sonic, who uses an octo-handed backpack to smash it at Sonic. The Hedgehog runs through a loop, jumps off a springboard, and bends the racket as he smashes the ball into Eggman's face! Confetti falls and everyone (except Eggman) is jumping and happy as the title screen appears. I'm pretty sure they aren't playing tennis by the real rules, though.

0:03 There are three different control modes ... one that's like Wii Sports Tennis where you just swing the Wii Remote, one where you swing and move around with the Nunchuk, and one where you hold the Remote like an NES controller. Let's try the Nunchuk/swinging hybrid. Wait, that means I have to stand up, huh? Grooooan.

0:05 I can choose between Male and Female umpire voices? GAME OF THE YEAR!

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Valkyria Chronicles

Developer: Sega WOW
Publisher: Sega
Release Date: Nov. 4, 2008
System: PS3
ESRB Rating: T
Official Web site

In a nutshell: War is hell. Charming, well written, strategic hell.

0:00 I've heard lots of vague praise being bandied about for Valkyria Chronicles. Could it be the first turn-based strategy game to draw me in since Advance Wars? We'll see...

0:01 The preview screen eschews music and flashy graphics for a simple message: "The year is EC 1935. As the outbreak of the Second European War transforms Welkin Gunther's homeland into a battlefield, he and his ragtag militia squad fight to protect what they hold most dear in this active simulation RPG." Well, now we don't need an intro cut scene, right?

0:02 This minute spent mostly loading that intro cut scene we don't need. A hand-drawn tank starts as a rough sketch, then gets color and ink amid languid string music. Two people ride atop the tank towards a windmill. A HUGE battle-tank bashes through a wall. A phalanx of armored men (robots?) appears in a smoky city. A girl releases tiny points of light towards the windmill. A king speaks to his generals. A glowing blue woman stands atop a tank, guiding her troops. A sniper fires at a bunker. A tank-rider sends up a flare. Soldiers salute. Tanks fire. A tank emerges from the water. A drawbridge raises. Black-and-white photographs of war scenes ... and a beach? A woman hugs her comrade. No sound effects throughout ... just those lovely, lovely strings. Very touching.

0:05 To the title screen, with a fire kicking up flaming ash in the background. The strings are replaced with horns. The menu has an "install" option that's thankfully optional -- I don't want to waste 10 minutes of my hour installing. *cough Metal Gear Solid 4 cough*

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Viking: Battle for Asgard

Developer: Creative Assembly
Publisher: Sega
Release Date: March 25, 2008
Systems: Xbox 360 (reviewed), PS3
ESRB Rating: M
Official Web site

In a nutshell: An incredibly lame God of War clone.

0:00 With a name as incredibly generic as "Viking," I felt I simply HAD to check this game out.

0:01 Lots of logos, then the title appears over what I can only assume are a bunch of Vikings hiking down a rainy concrete bridge, with a town burning in the background. There must be hundreds of them, all looking very nice in hi-def.

0:02 The new game difficulties are Normal and Hard. Why not call Normal "Easy" then? Or Hard "Normal"? Anyway, Normal it is for me.

0:03 A blizzard of tips scrolls by on the loading screen, more than I can possibly read. Then a 2-D hand drawing of an old man in a boat. "They came born of battle and bloodshed, those that would stand against the darkness. ... What was once green and fertile was now soured and barren. Those who were at peace now knew only war." Some war-like music and sounds of war accompany some quick-cut drawings of bloody war battles. WAR! "A great evil had come to Midgard" but "hope is stronger than any army, any weapon. Hope waits only for someone to embrace it." Is this a Barack Obama game?

0:05 The scene switches to full 3-D now, with more random battle scenes containing fire in the background. There's a very God of War look to it all. A blond-haired guy with a ponytail is looking hurt and forlorn amidst the carnage when the game freezes. But wait, I can still get to the in-game Dashboard. I can pause, too, but not advance the scene. Looks like time to quit out and try again.

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood

Developer: BioWare
Publisher: Sega
Release Date: Sept. 30, 2008
System: Nintendo DS
ESRB Rating: E
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Sonic gets an RPG, over a decade after Mario did. Eat it, Sonic!

0:00 I went from being a rampant Sonic fan to a smoldering Sonic fan around the time of Sonic Adventure. Still, the RPG elements and participation of BioWare in Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood were enough to at least get me curious.

0:01 In the intro cut scene, lots of quick cuts. Sonic runs. Tails flies his biplane. There's a spaceship. Amy, Knuckles and Tails stand with Sonic. Cut to some in-game footage of some unimpressive 3-D boss battles. The overworld map is much nicer looking, with a cel-shaded Sonic running over a hand-drawn landscape. All four of the main characters stand looking out to the middle distance. I love the high-energy guitar music. Bwreeoow!

0:02 Seems the last guy who rented this game only got to Chapter 1. Not a good sign... New game for me, though. "Some Time Ago..." in Eggman's Floating Castle over Metropolis. The huge ship fires on the city. Sonic and team board from their own mini-ship and attack. "You'll never defeat me," "We'll see about that," etc. Big explosion and the ship starts to go down, causing a huge explosion to engulf the city. Sonic and team fly off on the biplane, apparently unconcerned about the carnage they've left in their wake.

0:03 Present day, on the other side of the world, Sonic gets a phone call as he runs through a field. "CHAPTER 1: HOSTILE RECEPTION." Like, phone reception? "Sonic, you made it, I'm so glad to hear from you." "I'm here, Tails, what's going on." Knuckles has disappeared with the Chaos Emeralds, that's what's going on! Amy's gonna come help Sonic find 'em.

0:06 The touch-screen controls kind of remind me of the DS Zelda game. Touch a place on the screen and Sonic runs over there. Little icons pop up occasionally to let me jump to ledges, speed around loops ... that kind of thing. There are a bunch of rings lying around for me to collect. Pretty mellow so far.

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Samba De Amigo

Developer: Gearbox
Publisher: Sega
Release Date: Sept. 23, 2008
System: Wii
ESRB Rating: E

In a nutshell: Maraca shaking with shaky controls.

0:00 I really enjoyed liked the Dreamcast original until my cheap third-party maraca controllers gave out on me. Here's hoping the Wii remotes are both more accurate and less prone to breakage that those old things.

0:01 "AMIGO!" screams an unseen crowd on the preview screen, causing a big grin to spring across my face already. Island rhythms play over a high shot of an island. The sun is also grinning and wearing sunglasses. A monkey with maracas and an equally big grin jumps up and down on a parade float traveling through a crowded street. Cut to a spotlight in a dark room, where a bunch of trippy characters are generally jumping around like they're high on a potent mix of crystal meth and ecstasy. Cut to a sandy beach, where they continue to jump and be crazy. Finish on a dramatic edge of a cliff, as they look out into the middle distance. Weird...

0:04 On to the tutorial to learn how the Wii controls work. I'm asked to shake my left hand to determine which remote is which. Intuitive! Then there's a quick calibration where I have to point the Wii remote up, down, left and right. Seems to work pretty well so far.

0:06 "Samba de Amigo turns two of your Wii remotes into a pair of maracas!" The woman saying this sounds like she is on the same mix of meth and ecstasy as the characters. "Try to hit these balls." That's what she said! Really, it is!

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

The Incredible Hulk

Developer: Edge of Reality
Publisher: Sega
Release Date: June 5, 2008
Systems: PS3 (reviewed), Xbox 360, Wii, PS2, PC, DS
ESRB Rating: T
Official Web site

In a nutshell: More like The Mediocre Hulk, amirite?

0:00 I liked my time with The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction, so I have high hopes for this one even though it's based on a movie. The Sega seal of potential quality has to count for something, right?

0:01 Whoop, not so fast... version 1.1 of the software requires 14 MB of downloads. It could be worse...

0:03 A view down a secluded alley accompanies the title screen. In the background, tanks roll by. I can hear Hulk screaming and I see something throwing people ... who knows why. I hit start and a cab comes hurtling through a wall next to me. Hulk comes out of the hole in the wall like the Kool-Aid man, except much more muscley, as the menu screen pops up.

0:05 Hulk flexes and roars as I choose the Story mode. I guess he approves? Or is he against it? Really, I have no idea what emotion he's expressing with his constant roaring.

0:06 "My name is Bruce Banner. I'm trying to stop a monster." He's standing in a secluded snowscape. The screen goes blank and a gun fires. Fade back in -- Hulk spits out the bullet and screams: "BANNER!" Whoa. Dark. Five years later, in Brazil, Banner is running from some military types. He runs into a factory and a helicopter sends a missile in. I'd say that's overkill, but for the Hulk, it's almost definitely underkill.

0:07 I'm in control. The screen prompts me to press the O button repeatedly to make the Hulk burst forth from under some rubble. Whoo! Interactive!

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Iron Man

Developer: Secret Level
Publisher: Sega
Release Date: May 2, 2008
Systems: Xbox 360 (reviewed), PS3, PS2, wii, DS, PSP, PC, mobile, Sega Master System (just kidding)
ESRB Rating: T
Official Web site

In a nutshell: The much awaited follow-up to the classic Iron Man/X-O Manowar game.

0:00 I liked the movie and I like Sega, but I'm still expecting a let-down from this one. It is a movie-based game, after all.

0:01 A gadget-porn pan over a pre-rendered Iron Man suit runs behind the menu screen. Some extremely generic light metal music plays in the background.

0:02 The controls screen mentions that the directional pad is used for something called "power distribution." This sounds way too complex for a game like this.

0:03 Difficulties are "Easy," "Normal," and "Formidable." I'm all for giving interesting names to difficulty levels, but you should go all or nothing. Why not "Puny" and "Nondescript" for the first two?

0:04 In a cave full of crates, Tony Stark works at a kiln. "Alone in a cave, surrounded by weapons. That is a very poignant way to die," says that guy from the movie whose name I can't remember. Tony's friend who helps him break out. You know who I'm talking about! "Ah, there he goes again, give it a rest, Shakespeare," says Robert Downey, Jr., er, I mean Stark. The guy whose name is on the tip of my tongue prattles on philosophically about what make a man a hero while Stark lifts the first Iron Man mask out of the kiln and stares at it, meaningfully.

0:05 Cut over to the Stark computer display that gives my mission objectives: escape from the Ten Rings encampment I'm being held in. How am I seeing this computer display? I'm trapped in a cave. Way to break the fourth wall already.

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Sonic Riders: Zero Gravity

Developer: Sonic Team
Publisher: Sega
Release Date: Jan. 8, 2008
System: PS2, Wii
ESRB Rating: E
Official Web Site

In a nutshell: Sonic's X-TREME Hoverboard Racing Craziness.

0:00 I was probably one of three people who liked the original Sonic R, so there might be something in this for me. Still, based on the critical reception, my hopes are not that high.

0:01 A dark night over a futuristic city. A blue streak speeds by from the sky... it's a glowing ring of some sort. It rolls into a room full of white, humanoid robots, all of which power up in a foreboding sequence. The walkers bust through a wall and into the night. "Robots made by the leading security company... are running amok all over the world," Sonic and Tails hear on their hovercar radio. Tails happened to find the meteor outside when he heard it land last night. Knuckles yawns from the back seat. Suddenly, the trio is attacked by some flying robots. They take a detour up a car-sized elevator, but get attacked again at the top. Everyone falls from the top floor. Tails and Knuckles can fly, but Sonic falls. The meteor in his hand starts glowing and cushions him in a protective floating bubble. "Is this the stone's power?" he asks with a mischievous grin before dashing for the ground. "Woohoo!"

0:05 The menu screen tells me to press the plus button, but, in an odd turn of events, the game doesn't respond when I do. None of the other buttons work, either. I get sent into an attract mode that shows off the generic racing action.

0:07 I try a different remote on the theory that this plus button might be broken. Nope, still no response. This is getting weird.

0:09 The Home button works just fine, but nothing else I do seems to get a response.

0:10 I try restarting the game. No difference. I can't even skip the opening cinema again because the game doesn't want to recognize my input.

0:12 I search the Internet for some answers. Surely I can't be the only one with this problem, right? I find this note with the advice: "If you guys have a GameCube controller plugged in first, the game will resort to that contoller [sic]being the one you will use." I don't have a GameCube controller plugged in, but I do have a Wavebird receptor. I take it out and the problem is solved. You'd think this would have come up in testing, no?

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

The Club

Developer: Bizarre Creations
Publisher: Sega
Release Date: Feb. 19, 2008
Systems: PS3 (reviewed), Xbox 360, PC
ESRB Rating: M
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Project Gotham Shooting.

0:00 I'm not usually a shooter fan, but I'm still looking forward to this one because of the good critical reception, not to mention the Sega and Bizarre names behind it.

0:01 A Russian guy runs through a snowy field, away from a shooter in a helicopter. He's Dragov. Now he's inside meeting with The Secretary! Killen is shooting a guy with a shotgun. Renwick is punching a guy out. Seager is wearing riot gear. Adjo is surrounded by people in the African savannah. Kuro is shooting people on the streets of Japan. Finn is getting beat up in a casino's back room. Nemo is hiding in the corner of a dark abandoned room. They're all part of THE CLUB, as the title screen says in bigger letters.

0:03 "Welcome KyleOrl to the club." Thanks, but please, just call me Kyle.

0:04 The options screen lets me edit the speaker angle and crosshair color. These are crucial options!

0:05 The only selectable options are Multiplayer and Tournament. There's no story/campaign mode? I'm told to choose a character that suits my playing style. I choose fast and weak Kuro, because I figure I'll need the help dodging.

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Universe at War: Earth Assault

Developer: Petroglyph
Publisher: Sega
Release Date: March 25, 2008
System: Xbox 360 (reviewed), PC
ESRB Rating: T
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Oh man, we're all screwed.

0:00 I'm not very good at or interested in real-time strategy games, but good reviews, the Sega name and an Xbox 360 version convinced me to try this one out.

0:01 A starry sky... oh, no, it's actually the electric lights of a planet, with the sun rising in a thin corona. Some military guys shoot through the dust then get attacked by alien walker thingies right out of "War of the Worlds." Driving rock music accompanies the carnage. Suddenly, some bright white mechs straight out of "Gundam" show up, along with sleek metal robots straight out of the Star Wars prequels. The music turns all techno as they fire missiles at the big walker, bringing him down. Fade to title.

0:03 I'm afraid I'll have to go through the video tutorial. Sorry if this turns out to be boring. I learn that Resources have to be collected. "Without adequate raw materials on hand, your army is doomed to failure." Good advice for real life, too.

0:06 The research tree is apparently "a rich feature of Universe at War," if the game does say so itself -- and it does.

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

NiGHTS: Journey of Dreams

Developer: Sonic Team USA
Publisher: Sega
Release Date: Dec. 18, 2007
Systems: Wii
ESRB Rating: E
Official Web Site

In a nutshell: The world's foremost flying-dream-jester simulation

0:00 Despite having played the Saturn original many times at a Toys 'R' Us kiosk, I never understood the maniacal devotion some fans have for the game. This sequel puts the whole legacy at stake, in my mind.

0:01 A Big Ben-style clock tower appears over a highly fictionalized version of the London skyline. A boy sleeps soundly with a soccer ball in his arms. A girl in another flat does the same, albeit without a soccer ball. Twinkling stardust and the jester-like NiGHTS alights atop the clock tower. The title appears briefly, then NiGHTS is flying with seabirds a few inches above a river. Now he's reaching out to the boy in a deserted meadow. The girl's dreamworld is full of crystal, for some reason (Is she Shirley MacLane?). Jump cut to an evil-looking red jester, then more acrobatic flying cut scene, then the menu screen. Not bad, as intros go.

0:03 There are four potential control schemes: Remote, remote and Nunchuk, classic controller or GameCube controller. This is a worrisome sign to me. It seems as if they couldn't decide on one good control scheme, so they went for four mediocre ones.

0:04 I choose Will's dream first. He's practicing soccer on a dirty field with... his dad? It's unclear. Suddenly everything gets foggy. His dad (confirmed now by Will) is driving away in a car that turns into a plane. His soccer pals start laughing maniacally from a black void, then turn into wispy, red-eyed wraiths and chase Will. The poor boy is saved by a bright white light. Everything is suitably ethereal and dreamlike. Charming, really.

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Sonic Rush Adventure

Developer: Sonic Team, Dimps
Publisher: Sega
Release Date: Sept. 18, 2007
Systems: Nintendo DS
ESRB Rating: E
Official Web Site

In a nutshell: Sonic Rush + Sonic Adventure + actually good.

0:01 A seagull flies overhead. Sonic and Blaze the cat are on a jet ski, while Tails has to ride a dolphin. An unintelligible voice warbles in the background. SONIC RUSH ADVENTURE the title blares.

0:02 Tails and Sonic are flying in a storm. They're looking for an energy source or something. The plane's engines go out and they're sucked into a vortex. They wind up unconscious on a beach. Cliche much?

0:03 Some girl with an Australian accent named Marine finds them. Her extreme use of Australian slang like "crikey" is kind of endearing. Would be even better with voice acting instead of text, I bet. They've washed up on "Southern Island" in the middle of the ocean. Heh.

0:04 The next day Marine launches a ship but then crashes it. Tails wants to build her a new one to repay her for her kindness, but the materials are cut off. I smell a mission coming on...

0:05 So they hop over to Whale Point and... nope, still more talking. Ugh. The materials are metals and jewels.

0:06 All right, time for some old school 2D run and jump gameplay. I get to practice my moves. Left and right walk, holding them down run. I don't recall anyone having to explain this to me back in the Genesis games.

0:07 Hitting R in mid air does a new sky dash. New to me anyway... I haven't kept up with Sonic since the early Dreamcast days.

0:08 Sonic can now do flips and tricks mid-air to charge up an invinci-dash meter.

0:09 If we find some "blue material" and "iron material" we can build a waterbike. Blue material? That's the best name they could think of?

0:10 Now Sonic is in 3D and in Marine's house. A cheesy animation brings the materials IU got from the training level together and creates a waterbike.

0:12 I draw a route for the waterbike with the stylus, but there's only one place to go to so the route seems kind of pointless. Time for a mini-game. Touch the stylus to the screen to accelerate forward and slide left and right to collect rings and hit jumps. It's surprisingly fun. The zippy soundtrack helps a lot. One problem.. the L-button dash isn't quite responsive enough.

0:16 So now we've made it to the destination island. Marine suggests we name it Marine Island. Not like Gilligan's Island, I hope.

0:18 The first real level. Took 'em long enough. I love the crazy retro-techno soundtrack. It feels a lot like the classic Sonic games -- Sonic 3 especially -- but with some new twists, like sliding on vines, and jumping through hoops doing air tricks. Lots of opportunities to get up to full speed, but not so many that you feel it's out of control.

0:21 At high enough speeds, Sonic runs on top of the water. Sonic is Jesus!

0:22 An abrupt switch to 3D for a short section requiring jumping between three rails. Jarring.

0:23 First level over. I got some "green material." Thankfully there's no more talking here, it just transitions right into the next stage.

0:24 The graphics are nice and bright, but the background art makes it hard to tell which platforms are actually platforms and which are just painted on.

0:26 I feel like I'm missing half the game speeding through the multi-path, high-flying levels. This will require some more playthroughs.

0:27 Act 2 clear. Another C grade. I wish I knew what went into these ranks. I'm guessing I need to be faster.

0:28 A short cut scene introduces the first boss... giant tyranno-bot. I'm on a 2D platform, he's in the background. He reaches in to bite and I dodge and jump on his head multiple times. Then he charges along the line of my platform and I jump on his head some more.

0:29 We fall into another area. The scenery is different, but the enemy's attacks are pretty much the same.

0:31 He's finally down. He explodes in a pixelated fireball. A weak boss battle... I never really felt like I was in danger. I got a B this time! Whoo!

0:32 Ugh, more talking. We run into Tabby the Koala. He tells us to go southwest. Sonic is getting annoyed with Marine's chipperness. I'm getting annoyed with these story pieces altogether. They just slow things down, and that's not the Sonic way.

0:35 The next island is an island of machines. What will they think of next? Really, can't they think of something not horribly contrived?

0:36 Marine runs off amid Sonic and Tails talking about being careful. The writing is cute, but still slows down the action too much.

0:38 Sonic just bounced off a large drum, into the screen, and back again over and over. I'm weirded out.

0:39 Sonic has some hang glider thing that just appeared out of nowhere. Hitting up catches air. Kind of interesting.

0:40 The levels are tending a little towards the "hold right and rush forward as fast as possible" mode. It's barely interactive at some points.

0:43 Some more enemies are finally showing up in the levels. Dealing with them is a nice change of pace from just run run run.

0:45 Act 2 done. More talking... Marine was worried sick about us. About US?!?!

0:49 Just finished an... interesting boss. Basically a big floating robot with hanging globes. Hit the globes at high speed to send them sailing into the main portion. Pretty easy... but I got a C rank, so I guess I could do better.

0:50 Marine: "There's got to be some secret organization trying to stop me. They're jealous of my famous adventures and want to put a stop to them! But I won't give up! Never! You can't make me! You buncha no-good dingos." I'm imagining this in a charming Australian accent. She's a character, and a well-written one at that.

0:52 So before I can move on, it seems I have to replay the levels I've already done to get more "material." What a gyp. I know the levels have some replay value, but I'd at least like to play through the whole game once first.

0:53 Ah ha. Exploring the house I can now set boss difficulty to "normal" from "easy" I can also turn on time limits for added challenge. Nice to have these options, but why are they so hidden?

0:57 I finish the first level for the second time, this time focusing on going as fast as possible. I get a B and two green material. Nice.

0:59 Playing for speed again. When rushing through, the game feels kind of like a 2D version of SSX -- doing tricks in mid-air to gain speed-granting boost. Interesting twist.

Would I play this game for more than an hour? Yes
Why? Brings back the old school feelings of the original Sonic trilogy better than any recent title yet.

This review based on a retail copy provided by Sega.

Outrun 2

Developer: Sega AM2
Publisher: Sega
Release Date: June 25, 2004
Systems: Xbox (reviewed), Arcade
ESRB Rating: E
Official Web Site

In honor of my broken Xbox 360, all this week I'll be going through some old original Xbox games I have lying around.

In a nutshell: The sequel 17 years in the making.

0:01 "Recreating these maneuvers in real life may be potentially dangerous," reads the disclaimer. Someone's a little lawsuit-shy.
0:02 I love the soothing ocean wave sounds on the menu screen. Since the game started in the arcade, let's start with the Arcade mode.
0:03 The mode choices let you "enjoy driving with your lady by your side" or "impress your lady and capture her heart." Also, time trial. Whoo!
0:07 First race is over. I veered left to stay on the easy path and got through three timed sections. I like the subtle rumble that really makes you feel every curve and the insane, easy-to-control power slides. I don't like the persistent engine whine, but it can be turned down in the options.
0:13 Just got done trying heart attack mode, which rewards me for doing things I should do anyway, like passing cars, drifting and avoiding crashes. A nice twist on the basic game, but a bit repetitive.
0:15 You gotta love that beautiful scenery. It's not exactly photo-realistic, but it really gives a sense of place.
0:17 Things I don't like so far: The large speed penalty for bumping other cars; the long, boring straightaways between racing sections, the way there only seem to be a few types of basic turns.
0:24 ARGH! I come within 50 feet of the final goal on the easy path! I even pass the congratulations banner that sits right before the finish. Extremely frustrating. Repeated play definitely helps smooth out those tough turns, though.
0:30 Going down the hard paths is a little harder, but only because they throw more hairpins at your earlier. It's the same set pieces over and over again. Not bad, necessarily, just very old school.
0:31 On to Challenge mode. First I have to drift an insane amount on the first course. Nice way to mix it up, but why is the course empty. It feels remarkably sterile compared to the traffic-filled Arcade mode.
0:33 I like the Zone Runner mode, but I'd like a little more warning as to which zone I'm supposed to drive in before I get there.
0:39 Gotta love Convoy mode, which asks you to maneuver through trucks and buses without crashing. Anyone who's ever been between big rigs on the highway will be able to relate. There's some graphical slowdown here, though.
0:40 Maybe I'm just a wuss, but my hand is cramping from holding down the R trigger to accelerate nearly constantly. Damn you, resistant springs!
0:43 Cone Runner mode is excellent -- like an obstacle course on top of the regular course. It's also good education for how to take turns properly.
0:48 Another boring, empty six car race rounds out the first challenge stage. I don't like having to beat all six challenges to unlock more. Seems too easy to get stuck later, which is never fun.
0:51 Math Mayhem is ridiculous... you have to do simple addition and subtraction as you drive. Major props for having the guts to include it, but I don't see it having lasting value.
0:52 So the music has been mostly catchy, forgettable '80s cheese pop. Lots of wailing guitar, synthesizer, saxophone, etc.. But I have to point out some of the ridiculous lyrics in the song Life Was a Bore: "Driving shows me wonders never seen before. ... city lights and starry skies, sandy beach and forest, I can't wait for more. ... It's destiny that we met, it's a thrill we've been looking for, no one else can lighten up my heart this way." It's all sung so earnestly it's hilarious.
0:59 I continue to be impressed with the variety of challenges available. Max Speed mode is genuinely challenging while Heart Courier is suitably wacky. Adds a lot of potential for replay, given the simplistic course design.

Would I play this game for more than an hour? Yes.
Why? Great controls and lots of variety make up for some very basic course design.

This review based on a used retail copy.