Monday, April 12, 2010

No More Heroes

Developer: Grasshopper Manufacture
Publisher: Ubisoft
Release Date: Jan. 22, 2008
System: Wii
ESRB Rating: M

In a nutshell: Light sabers + philosophical ramblings + copious amounts of blood = No More Heroes

0:00 I've heard from numerous people that this game is batshit insane (in a good way), so it seemed worth a $10 gamble during a recent Gamefly sale. Also, I have some catching up to do, since No More Heroes 2 is already months old.

0:01 Company logos, then a flag I don't recognize flaps in the breeze. The title appears as an unlit neon sign atop a building. The instruction "Press A" appears as a series of rotating 3D cubes, for some reason.

0:02 Selectable difficulties are "Sweet" and "Mild," the latter of which promises that "many strong men await you." Mmmm... strong men...

0:03 A guy in a stylish red leather jacket walks out of the last room of a motel as the camera pans down and away. He just stands there, implying I should do something, I guess. So I run to the stairs using the Nunchuk's thumbstick, and he walks down to his bike in a cut scene, whistling tunelessly as he goes. He hops on the hog and he's off.

0:04 "I know a lot of gamers out there don't have much patience... at least that's what Bishop, the dude at the video store said," narrates our protagonist as we get a bunch of really quick cuts. "So I'm at the register and I realize I've got no money, I'm seriously broke" Why? Because he met a smoking hot chick at the deathmatch bar, and she smelled good, and he's a gentleman, so he bought her a drink. Then he got a job... "assassinate the drifter." The guy showed up, and the narrator "couldn't tell if he was the shit or just all shit." He was "styling, fast, aggressive, packing heat. Bada-bing" -- he beheads the guy in silhouette. Enter Sylvia Crystal, "an agent with some whatchamacallit association" She certifies him as the 11th best hitman in the world and invites him to aim for the top. "I want to be No. 1. How's that? Short and simple enough for you? It's gonna be a long road... who knows... may be awesome, may be dangerous... Whaddya say bro? Join me... And for you there, holding the Wii Remote, just press the A button. Let the bloodshed begin." Batshit insane doesn't even begin to describe it...



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