Monday, June 14, 2010

Valhalla Knights: Eldar Saga

Developer: Marvelous Entertainment
Publisher: Xseed Games
Release Date: Sept. 29, 2009
System: Wii
ESRB Rating: T

In a nutshell: More like Eldar SNORE-ga... amirite?

0:00 This game already has one strike against it for the stereotypically bad fantasy misspelling of "Elder" in the title. But it's been sitting on my shelf for over nine months now, so I suppose I have to try it out at some point. My expectations are extremely low, let's put it that way.

0:01 A valley with mountains in the distance. A meteor shower lights the background. "Legends of old tell of a great rain of stars falling to earth. Perhaps it was an omen telling of the calamities later to befall mankind." Red eyes appear in the smoke. An armored knight battles monsters along with a blonde female archer. He unleashes a spin attack as the blonde sends out some freezing magic. An old wizard watches through a handheld wisp of fire. The knight and the blonde look at each other with blank expressions before fighting a gigantic cyclops. The knight slashes at the camera and the title appears. It's so cliche I almost think it might be a parody.

0:05 I can choose from "Episode 1: Fragment of the Almighty" or" Episode 2: Standing at the End." There is no option for "Episode 3: Non-Ridiculous Subtitle," unfortunately.


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