MLB 09: The Show

Developer: SCEA
Publisher: SCEA
Release Date: March 3, 2009
Systems: PS3 (reviewed), PS2, PSP
ESRB Rating: E
Official Web site

In a nutshell: A realistic bit of spring on a cold winter's day

0:00 Apparently I didn't like MLB 07 but did like MLB 08 when I played them for an hour. This could be because of the many (read: few) differences between the versions, but more likely relates to my mood at the time of playing.

0:01 The intro video has a "then & now" theme. "He anchors the front of the rotation. He's an All-Star. A Hall-of-Famer. He's the guy you count on to start the season, to stop a losing streak, to start a post-season series. They deliver the strikeouts, they deliver the wins, and most of all, they deliver the glory." He's ... the pitcher, I guess? "THE TRADITION CONTINUES!" the screen blares. Title screen! OK then!

0:02 "The game requires data to be cached to the HDD. This process will take 6-7 minutes." Of course it does...

0:04 Just as a warning: It's roughly 5 degrees Kelvin outside in Pittsburgh today, so I'm not really in the mood for baseball...

0:06 During the HDD preloading process I get to stare at an HD image of some screaming Red Sox player. If I were a better baseball fan I'd probably know who he is...

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Eversion

Developer: Zaratustra Productions
Publisher: Zaratustra Productions
Release Date: November 2008
System: PC
ESRB Rating: N/A
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Oh, what a cute ga--OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL?!

0:00 I first got turned on to this game by a Dinosaur Comics blog post which called it "really good!" and "entirely charming!" On the official Web page, I saw the author of VG Cats thought it was "deceptively awesome." So the authors of TWO Web comics that I read liked it? That's enough for me!

0:01 During the 8 MB download, I read the instructions for the game from the official Web site: "Left and Right - Walk. Z - Jump. X - Everse (in certain areas) ... Discover the rest as the game progresses." Intriguing! But what does "Everse" mean?

0:02 The intro mentions that the game is "not indicated for children or those of nervous disposition." Did I download prescription drugs by accident?

0:03 So I'm a little, puffy, orange guy with green shoes, tottering around a 2-D Mario-style world. I have a nice, springy jump with which to dispatch smiling circular enemies. There are blocks to bash from below and blue gems to collect, too. I absolutely adore the retro music, which sounds like it was designed for the original Game Boy.

0:05 Just like that, I've already cleared the incredibly short first level. I missed four of 22 available gems on the way, apparently. I could see them, but they were out of reach. So far the "Everse" button seems to do nothing. Hmmm...

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Spray

Developer: Eko System
Publisher: Tecmo
Release Date: Dec. 2, 2008
System: Wii
ESRB Rating: E10+
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Yes, the title refers to spraying vomit.
0:00 I must have been in a drunken fugue state when I added this game to my GameFly queue, because I don't remember requesting it even a little bit. It must have interested me at some point, though.

0:01 After some copious loading, a yellow title appears in front of a medieval town with windmills. Is there some regulation that all medieval towns must have windmills?

0:02 "Today is the first day of Summer in the land of Ecoia." They worship the Crystal Sun and its "benevolent energy." Everyone's gathered in the town square, waiting for the king in a cute hand-drawn cut scene. Then some clouds gather and a huge, black figure appears in the sky. "You insignificant scum ... you shall be my slaves, I shall reign over your world, hahahaha." A big rock shoots down to the ground, knocking over the King. "Father! Father!" cries what I assume is the Prince. The King gives young Ray his crown and urges him to find the crystal shards. Then the King disappears in a puff of light. When the crown alights on Ray's head, angel and devil sprites appear over his shoulders. They're gonna accompany me, apparently.

0:04 Cut to the 3-D graphics now ... the kingdom is infested with black goo, and flying black demons are swooping down to take citizens. One picks me up, but the devil on my shoulder scares him off with a roar. That a boy, devil!

0:06 "Ray! Join me, I'm waiting in the underground passage. Hurry!" cries the King. Wait, isn't he dead? And how can I hear him if he's in an underground passage?

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

The You Testament

Developer: Mat Dickie
Publisher: MDickie
Release Date: Dec. 5, 2008
System: PC
ESRB Rating: N/A
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Take the Bible and replace all the words with computer models of people punching each other...

0:00 I can't remember who first sent me the link to this game, but the idea of being a witness to the times of Jesus is just sacrilegious enough to be intriguing to me.

0:01 "I hear and I forget, I see and I remember, I do and I understand," reads an opening quote, from Confucius. Odd that the game would start with an Eastern philosopher, but I can see how it would apply to a game like this. The music is straight out of the early-'90s SoundBlaster scene. Lots of loading right up front.

0:03 Looking over the controls now. There's an attack key? In a game about the gospel of Jesus? Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that missing the point a bit? Oh, there's also a "meditate" key, so I guess that makes it all OK.

0:04 I start a new game with random characters. I am Emma, a 50-year-old civilian from Sharon with an Angry demeanor. She's wearing a green tunic and has tan skin, a small chest and a Mohawk ponytail that's quite fashion-forward for the world of 2,000 years ago.

0:05 This minute spent loading the game world extremely slowly.

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Secret Agent Clank

Developer: High Impact Games
Publisher: SCEA
Release Date: June 17, 2008
System: PSP
ESRB Rating: E-10+
Official Web site

In a nutshell: The game most likely to get Johnny Rivers' "Secret Agent Man" stuck in my head.

0:00 I've liked pretty much every Ratchet and Clank game so far, including the the other one on the PSP. Still, I hope this one deviates from the formula a little bit.

0:01 Tiny robot Clank stands on the street in a tuxedo and sunglasses, reading a newspaper. He occasionally looks up, like he's expecting trouble. I press start and the scene changes to a static menu with a picture of Clank. So what was the point of that newspaper scene?

0:02 A ship flies through the bluish-blackness of space, no doubt to hide the loading time. The Boltaire Museum is the destination, on a purple-ringed planet. Cut to the roof of a building; Clank lowers himself down through a skylight on a tether. An automatic glass cutter makes a circular entrance to the museum proper. Clank spies furry, orange Ratchet in a brown robe. The Lombax gets caught by a laser grid and apprehended by the guards. "Greetings, Agent Clank; were you able to protect the Eye of Infinity?" asks a robot on the ship's viewscreen. No such luck. Cut to a news report that shows Ratchet being taken away in a paddy wagon. He's raving to the cameras in a crazy voice about how he's hidden the Eye of Infinity where no one will find it. A retinal match shows it's actually Ratchet, but Clank doesn't believe it. I don't either...

0:05 Clank jumps out of the ship and is off to look for clues to the Eye's whereabouts. Running around with the analog stick, I stumble into a search beam, sending robotic dogs out to bite at me. A few punches bring 'em down.

0:08 The controls are decent but not great so far ... I don't like how the camera needs constant taps of R and L to stay behind Clank. I also don't like Clank's lack of a double jump. I do like his fluid punch/kick combos when I jam on the attack button.

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer