Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Don't B Nervous Talking 2 Girls

Developer: Silver Dollar Games
Publisher: Microsoft
Release Date: Dec. 8, 2009
System: Xbox 360
ESRB Rating: N/A
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Don't be nervous watching videos of a girl who acts completely irrationally.

0:00 I haven't been nervous talking to girls at least since I met the woman who would become my wife close to 10 years ago. That said, when I heard that there was an indie game with this title on Xbox Live, I knew I had to try it out. Plus it only costs 80 Microsoft Points. That's a freaking dollar. For that price, I'm relatively sure it'll be worth it.

0:01 Two badly hand-drawn women, a blonde and a brunette, hold placards with the title of the game. A blonde girl in a tight green sweater appears on a small video in the corner. "Welcome to Don't Be Nervous Talking to Girls. You'll be presented with multiple challenges. The goal of each challenge will be to get my number and make a new friend." Yeah ... I don't think "making a new friend" is really what "getting her number" is usually about, but whatever.

0:02 On to "How to play: Your goal is to get Jessica's phone number at 8 locations." Uh ... isn't getting it once enough? Maybe she keeps changing her number? Shouldn't that be a sign that we're not meant to be together? Am I actually a stalker?

0:04 Let's start with Stage 1: The Library. A blonde in a yellow top with a thin waist holds an iPhone and looks at me expectantly on the intro screen. Then another video of the green-sweatered girl. I can tell we're in a library because there's a stack of books in the back, even though she's just standing there. "Hey, how's it going," she says in a friendly, non-threatening manner. The potential answers are "Good." or "Never better. What book are you reading?" What do I do? Which should I pick? WHY AM I SO NERVOUS TALKING TO GIRLS?!

0:05 I ask about the book. "Oh, I was just doing some math homework. But it's not going too well." This despite the fact that she has no visible book or math papers in front of her. But whatever... I go the cocky route and tell her "I'm a whiz at math."

0:06 "Well, math whiz, what's the answer to this: 4 + 7 - 1 x 7." Did I accidentally download Don't B Nervous Doing Basic Math Problems? Also, the girl in this video looks college age at least. Why is she doing second-grade arithmetic? I choose the right answer from four multiple-choice options (Multiple-choice? Really? The problem isn't easy enough?) "Awesome, thanks," she says. I wonder if she'd know if I gave the wrong answer. And if so ... how?



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