Big Bang Mini

Developer: Arkedo
Publisher: Southpeak Interactive
Release Date: Jan. 21, 2009
System: Nintendo DS
ESRB Rating: E
Official Web site

In a nutshell: The only game I know of that lets you shoot fireworks at robotic pirate penguin snowmen.

0:00 Space Invaders Extreme got me on a sort of portable shoot-'em-up kick, I guess. I've heard just enough about this one to be intrigued by the premise and concerned about the controls at the same time.

0:01 "Arkedo!" says a chorus of what sound like little kids. On the title screen, fireworks go off constantly on the top screen while constellations float by on the bottom. Tutorial mode seems a logical place to start: "Learn to shoot fireworks! Then please save the world." Well, since you asked so nicely...

0:02 "Welcome to the Big Bang Mini training center! Soon, you'll find out how to light up your world with fireworks!" How soon? HOW SOON?!

0:03 Movement means dragging my ship around the touch screen with the stylus. Shooting means flicking the stylus up towards the top screen. The tutorial tells me to do it lightly, like striking a match against the touch-screen. This is a perfect analogy. "Well done! What magnificent fireworks! It's like you've been doing this all your life!" Flattery will get you everywhere, game.

0:04 Apparently firing is independent of my ship's position ... I can shoot these fireworks from wherever I want on the bottom screen, and at angles, too. Makes me wonder why the ship is there in the first place.

0:06 Ah ... the ship is there to collect the little stars that fall from the sky when I hit targets. Switching between shooting and moving is fun in the tutorial, but I can see it becoming a little hectic in a game situation. Also, when I miss targets, burning firework debris comes down and I have to dodge it. This is bad firework design, IMO.

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Space Invaders Extreme

Developer: Taito
Publisher: Square Enix
Release Date: June 17, 2008
Systems: PSP (reviewed), DS
ESRB Rating: E

In a nutshell: Space Invaders meets Geometry Wars. Ow, my brains...

0:00 I've never been a huge fan of the original Space Invaders (I was always more of a Galaga man, myself), but I've been hearing good things about this fast-paced, portable remake. Before I even turn on the game I'm entranced by the clear plastic shell for the UMD. Wicked!

0:01 "Taito Corporation. Space Invaders 30th Anniversary. Space Invaders Extreme!" reads a sexy voice right out of the Starship Enterprise. The title screen has a large dancing invader with lines of other invaders across the top and bottom. The logo/title replaces some Es with 3s for no apparent reason. What is this, Driv3r?

0:03 I have a love/hate relationship with games, like this one, that let you preset your starting number of lives in the options screen. I always set it as high as possible, but I always feel bad about it, like I'm cheating somehow.

0:04 "Stage 1, Let's Go," reads the screen. A driving techno beat matches all the crazy, multicolored crap floating around the background. Like the original game, I've still got a little ship at the bottom of the screen, firing up at the slowly encroaching invaders. Luckily, though, the firing rate is much faster. The n-shaped shields from the original are gone, making it feel a lot more like Galaga -- a good thing.

0:05 Power-ups? Really? A blue block floats down from a destroyed invader and gives me a thick blue laser that absolutely EVISCERATES everything. Hoo yeah!

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Closure

Developer: Tyler Glail
Publisher: Newgrounds
Release Date: Jan. 23, 2009
System: PC
ESRB Rating: N/A
Official Web site

In a nutshell: But that would spoil it!

0:00 After seeing three separate recommendations for this game in as many days, I decided I had to try it out. That said, I still don't really know what the game is about, despite some rather vague explanations, so I'm going in largely blind. If you want to do the same, might I recommend hitting the "Official Web site" link before reading any further.

0:01 This minute spent on a loading screen with a creepy heartbeat and a system of arteries and veins filling up with blood to represent the loading progress.

0:02 The scene is rendered in extremely sketchy black and white. It looks like I'm a guy hold a ball drawn in chalk. Above me, a sign with an arrow pointing right. Behind me, a car crashed into a tree on fire. In front of me, inky blackness. Let's DO THIS!

0:03 As I walk, the ball of light surrounding me reveals my immediate surroundings. The credits are written in the background as I pass by. I drop the ball in a holding pedestal and four more similar pedestals light up and appear on the corners of the screen. The title appears in the middle. Hmm...

0:04 I fall to my death in the inky void a couple of times trying to figure out what to do next. Turns out I have to jump to the upper right ball-holder, pick up the ball, and walk a bit to the door. In the next room: "If you get stuck: K, R, Enter." There's a real creepy vibe to the whole thing, exacerbated by the background noise that sounds like a boiler room.

0:05 I walk up to the next door, but a message appears on the wall: "I need more light." I go grab a second and the door becomes openable. In the next room, the message "come on ... through" is written on the wall, with a wall in the middle of the words. It seems that anything not actively illuminated doesn't exist, but as soon as I get near the wall, a light source on the other side makes it corporeal and blocks my way. Hmmm...

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

We Love Golf!

Developer: Camelot
Publisher: Capcom
Release Date: July 15, 2008
System: Wii
ESRB Rating: E10+
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Mario Golf ... minus the Mario ... plus the Wii Remote.

0:00 I don't really love golf in real life, but I did love Camelot's Mario Golf on the Nintendo 64, so I'm looking forward to this one quite a bit.

0:01 The chorus of chipper voices screaming "WE LOVE GOLF!" on the preview screen is almost worth the price of admission all on its own. What a way to start the morning.

0:02 No cut scene intro, just a title screen with the logo and the same chipper voices screaming at me about their love for golf. They need to up their meds. Seriously.

0:03 The brightly colored menu buttons make tones when I pass over them. Everyone is smiling and determined. Man, this is a happy game!

0:04 I can choose my player from Meg, Leo, Annie and Jack. Each looks no older than 14, and has a vibrant animated pose to go with their something. I go with Meg, who's very cute in her white skirt, orange shirt and white visor. Her stats? Who cares!

0:05 I think I'd better start with training before diving into a tournament. There are three courses, including the excellently named Sweet Candy Putting Forest. Let's start at the Highland Leaf Country Club, though.

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Karoshi: Suicide Salaryman

Developer: Jesse Venbrux
Publisher: Armor Games
Release Date: Unknown
System: PC
ESRB Rating: N/A
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Kill or be killed. Actually, scratch that first part.

0:00 A friend sent me the link for this one over the weekend (hi again, Mike). He thought it would be right up my alley. Based on the name alone, I think he might be right.

0:01 Pan over a low-quality, hand-drawn picture of Karoshi Corp. Inside, our blue-suited salaryman jumps over some spikes and gets to the door. A big, red "X" appears on the screen. Starting over, Karoshi jumps into the spikes. A green check mark this time. And the title. What a great, compact introduction to the concept!

0:02 "Use the arrow keys to walk and jump. Press space bar to fire your gun (you first need to find it). Press R to restart a level. Your goal in each level is to die." Simple enough. I like the ToeJam & Earl-style funk music in the background

0:03 The first level is simply to get used to the controls, it seems: Just jump right into the spikes. In the second level I have to push a safe to get up a ledge. In the third level, another safe has to sit on a switch to remove a wall of boxes. I love the big red explosion of blood when I hit the spikes.

0:04 Heh ... in Level 4 I have to position a safe above me, then use a switch to make it fall on top of me. This poor salaryman must have some crippling emotional problems.

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer