Stuntman: Ignition

Developer: Paradigm
Publisher: THQ
Release Date: Aug. 28, 2007
Systems: Xbox 360 (reviewed), PS3
ESRB Rating: Rating Pending
Official Web site

In a nutshell: The perfect life of a stunt car driver. Or, rather. the life of a perfect stunt car driver.

0:01 "Every mangled mass of steel has a story to tell." Remind me of Optimus Prime at the beginning of Transformers. "A tale of speed, guts, talent, style and a driver willing to risk it all to create Hollywood's greatest moments."
0:03 The tutorial is a stylish video that explains stringing together combos but not, uh, how to play. Guess I gotta learn as I go.
0:04 3...2...1.. Action and... the game freezes! Bad sign, but I'm willing to chalk it up to hardware for now.
0:07 It's hard to tell what's going on... there's so much on screen. Bright yellow and green arrows on the heads-up display help, but it will still take a few tries to get the path down.
0:09 I get farther this time, but I still fail after messing up five individual stunts. I like how there's no load time before restarting the stage though.
0:11 I complete the first stage on my third try with a three-star rating. The replay looks much better than the gameplay, except the camera sometimes gets stuck behind a wall.
0:16 I'm having trouble getting the game to recognize my U-turns on the seconds stage. What more do they want from me? I'M ONLY HUMAN!
0:22 After failing for the fifth time, mainly because of U-turns that I ACTUALLY DID, I turn on easy mode. Nice that they offer the option for such a tough game.
0:24 After performing perfectly for nearly two minutes, I fall in a fissure and fail immediately. ANNOYING!
0:25 I run over a stagehand. No one seems to notice.
0:28 I like how easy mode let's you keep going after you fail. Good practice.
0:30 CRAP! Finally figured out the U-turns, doing absolutely perfect, then fall in a hoole on a reverse 180. CRAP CRAP CRAP!
0:33 THE SAME EXACT THING HAPPENS AGAIN THREE MINUTES DOWN THE TUBES ARGH! Not that I'm bitter.
0:35 I avoid falling in the hole this time, but then I fall in some lava. ARGH!
0:38 I finally complete the scene on easy mode. I get one star... and I'm happy to have it.
0:39 Very French director: "Zis eez ice. Eet will be veray challenging, but don't come crying to me like a baybay." WAH!
0:45 It's impossible to see where to go because of all the explosions. WAH WAH WHINE!
0:55 Driving on ice is like... driving on ice. They want you to plan ahead but the smoke and the contastntly changing environment and the ICE makes that near impossible unless you memorize the course. Yet I'm still trying...

Would I play this game for more than an hour? Yes
Why? Apparently I'm a glutton for punishment.

This review is based on a demo downloaded from Xbox Live.

Taito Legends Power-Up

Developer: Taito
Publisher: Empire Interactive
Release Date: May 17, 2007
System: PSP
ESRB Rating: E
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Some classic and not-so-classic Taito arcade games.

0:01 There are 21 games in this collection, which means each one only has three minutes to wow me.
0:03 Three minutes is enough to beat the first level of Space Invaders. The game really doesn't stand the test of time, especially the grating sound effects. I like being able to turn the PSP on its side and play in landscape mode, though.
0:06 Space Invaders 2 feels a lot like Space Invaders with some colors and cut scenes. Padding the list, much?
0:09 Imagine Pac-Man with one really fast, really stupid ghost and incredibly slow turns. That's Space Chaser. I'll pass.
0:12 Crazy Balloon is hard to categorize. You guide a dancing balloon through a minefield. It takes some getting used to, but I think I like it.
0:15 Balloon Bomber - Space Invaders, but even less exciting. I mean, bomb-dropping balloons? Snore!
0:18 Lunar Rescue - Interesting mix of didging and shooting. I love the little "AAA..." sound effect that pops up when you drop a human. Has some potential.
0:20 Phoenix - Tatio's answer to Galaxian has bad hit detection and horrible sounds effects. Pass.
0:24 Qix - An original classic I've played many times before. Carve out a section of the screen with a line-cutting tool. Fun!
0:27 I love the concept of Space Dungeon. Adventure-style crawl meets space shooter action. I'll have to play some more later.
0:29 I can think of no reason to play Alpine Ski in a world in which Ski Free exists.
0:31 Elevator Action - Anotehr classic with great controls, neat sound effects and an interesting platform-meets-shooter premise. More please.
0:34 Chack 'n' Pop. Weird, occasionally upside-down physics take some getting used to. Meh.
0:37 The Legend of Kage - Impressive graphics for the time that hold up even now. Fun controls make you feel like an unstoppable ninja... until you're stopped, that is.
0:39 The Faiyland Story - They can't give us Bubble Bobble, so they give us this weird warmed over remake with a which who turns enemies into falling chocolate cakes. Meh.
0:42 Return of the Invaders - Space Invaders with nicer graphics, faster gameplay and enemies that do more than just move mindlessly back and forth. So, Space Invaders, but good. A lot like Galaga.
0:46 Ki Ki Kai Kai - Despite the random Japanese folklore characters and derivative top down shooting format, there's something endearing about this.
0:48 The Rastan Saga - Derivative, homoerotic sword-slashing action. Meh.
0:52 Kuri Kinton - Manga-inspired graphics and some interesting controls make this Kung Fu clone interesting.
0:55 The New Zealand Story - Another pale imitation of Bubble Bobble, this time featuring a yellow kiwi bird who shoots arrows on sprawling stage. Cute, with some inventive level design.
0:58 Raimais - Like a retro-futuristic Pac-Man where you never stop moving. Or: Space Chaser, but good.
1:01 Cameltry - Weird name, totally orignal world-rotating, ball dropping concept. I love it!

Would I play this game for more than an hour? Yes
Why? Crazy Balloon, Lunar Rescue, Qix, Elevator Action and especially Cameltry.

This review based on a retail copy rented from GameFly.

Destroy All Humans

Developer: Pandemic Studios
Publisher: THQ
Release Date: June 21, 2005
Systems: PS2 (reviewed). Xbox
ESRB Rating: T
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Er, destroy all humans.

0:01 "I can only describe what I see as not from this Earth. ... It's raising it's hand, perhaps as a sign of peace. No... we're under attack." Nice old-time flavored intro.
0:02 Seeing an uncanny-valley 3D model in black and white is just unsettling. Hearing him talk optimistically about meeting aliens is even more unsettling, given the context. Seems it was a nuclear test that brought down the spacecraft. Whoops. Sorry. Don't destroy us all or anything.
0:04 Now we're in a space ship. Crypto 137 (your avatar) sounds a lot like Jack Nicholson. "There's a time for thought and there's a time for action and this is one of those times." "Which?" "The second one!" I laughed.
0:06 "When do I get to blow things up?" I know how you feel, Krypto.
0:08 Instead of "Start" the label for the X button reads "Invade!" The little things matter!
0:09 On cows: "But they're covered in nipples." That's some inspired writing.
0:10 Standard dual-stick 3rd person controls. A cow farts on me, thereby ensuring the desctruction of the planet.
0:12 Lifting cows and sending them crashing to the ground is pretty fun. They crumple realistically. Not that I know how a cow would crumple when dropped from a height of ten feet. I mean, how would I? ... *cough*
0:13 Brain extraction. Yummy. I'm glad it's not lunchtime or anything.
0:16 It feels weird extracting brains from the poor, defenseless farm housewife. I know I'm destroying all humans and all, but this just feels excessive. I mean, this isn't Grand Theft Auto.
0:20 I love the nice floaty double jump.
0:22 Man, the flying saucer death ray is just too powerful. And too fun.
0:23 Apparently I wiped out "the best infantry unit in the U.S. Army." They were pretty easy...
0:24 So now that the training missions done, I'm told to land and wander around collecting brains and their precious DNA. Hmm... couldn't I get DNA from a hair follicle or something. Give peace a chance!
0:26 I have to collect four brain stems in two minutes. Hmm, this is pretty reminiscent of Grand Theft Auto.
0:28 One thing I like: if you line up two humans, you can hit them both simultaneously with your ray gun. One thing I don't like: You take damage if you fall from the top of your double jump.
0:30 You know, I'd be just fine without all the defecation and genitalia jokes.
0:34 As more humans see you, the "alert level" rises. Hmmm, what game does that remind me of?
0:36 No I'm searching for the dumbest human at a county fair. "The competition will be fierce." You're telling me.
0:37 "Ike, the barbecuing president. Now there's a slogan." I feel like they're all pretty dumb...
0:40 Lots of references to semi-obscure '50s era trivia like the Kinsey report. They did their homework.
0:44 Another annoyance: there seems to be no way to skip the saucer launch animation. I saw it once, I don't need to waste ten seconds every time I get in the saucer.
0:47 Finally, after 10 minutes of probing minds looking for a dumb one, some destruction. Another annoyance: You can't aim up and down in the saucer without moving, and you can't raise or lower the ship either. Oh well.
0:48 Burning down a ferris wheel's supports and then ramming it over with a spaceship = awesome.
0:49 I like how pretty much everything is destroyable. Except the trees. My death ray goes right through trees. Note to self: In case of alien attack, hide in a tree.
0:52 As if there weren't enough reasons to love this game, there are now radioactive exploding zombie cows.
0:53 Oh my god, telekenetically throwing radioactive cows at humans is the best thing ever! Watching their blackened skeletons wither away just makes it better.
0:55 I fail a mission because I'm not discrete enough. Awww... but I want to cause carnage!
0:57 It's a little too easy to return to the mothership. You can bei n the middle of a firefight with next to no health, but a quick tap of the X button and you get beamed up.

Would I play this game for more than an hour? Sure.
Why? Passable action with great controls and a nice sense of humor. What's not to like?

This review based on a retail copy borrowed from a friend.

Peggle

Developer: PopCap Games
Publisher: PopCap Games
Release Date: Feb. 27, 2007
System: PC
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Super-happy Pachinko.

0:01 Bubbly music and a smiling sunrise introduce the game. My teeth start to hurt from the saccharine sweetness of it all.
0:02 The "Peggle Institute" asks your name for a Certificate of Admission. Cute!
0:03 "Hit orange pegs to win. You have ten shots." I can't remember the last game I played with such basic instructions.
0:04 I hit five orange balls with my first shot and luck into a free ball when I land in a moving bucket at the bottom. Beginner's luck?
0:05 I get bonus points for a "long shot" ricochet that I hadn't planned. As far as I can tell, I have no control over the ball after the initial shot... it just bounces based on gravity and the angle of the pegs. It's mesmerizing to watch, but hard to plan, so far.
0:06 Upon hitting the last orange peg, the action gets super slow-mo, the camera zooms in, and fireworks effects trail the ball while Ode to Joy plays in the background. You'd think I crowned a new pope or something! Bonus points for completing the level on the first try is a nice touch.
0:09 I complete level two with one ball in reserve. I'm still finding it hard to plan ahead past the initial bounce. I keep ending up with random clusters of bricks separated by a whole screen by the end of the level.
0:11 A Super Guide bonus shows where the ball will go on the first bounce. Helpful, but not excessively so... I'm more concerned about here it goes after that, which I only have a vague idea about usually. I like the ability to fine tune shots with the mouse wheel, though.
0:13 I get bonus style points for an extreme slide. A unicorn pops up and says I have "Mad skillz!" LOLZ!
0:14 If you get enough points in a single shot, you get a bonus ball. Nice.
0:21 There's an inherent conflict between going for points and going for the orange pegs to finishing the level. I like it.
0:26 I fail for the first time on level four. On my last ball I had one orange peg left, but other pegs were in the way. Gotta plan ahead.
0:29 My best strategy so far seem to be aiming for a dense cluster of pegs and hoping for the best. It's worked all right so far.
0:30 I actually aim for a ricochet from an orange to a purple across the screen. And I get it! Feeling very skillful right now.
0:31 I get a drum roll and a zoom as I get near the last orange peg, then an "Awww" sound effect as I just miss. I love it!
0:32 Next up is Jimmy Lightning the squirrel. He introduces a multiball power-up. MULTIBALL! BLERRRRRRRN!.
0:33 My first shot on the squirrel levels gets a multiball gets an extra ball frenzy and another "Mad skillz." There's absolutely no skill on my part this time. I get style points and even though I have no idea how I got style.
0:36 Despite the simple concept, there's some fine control needed for this game. Being off just a little in your aim can totally throw off a ricochet.
0:37 I like that the game is smart enough to identify a lucky bounce, and that it's nice enough to give me points for it.
0:39 The ascending chimes as you hit more pegs are a nice touch. The presentation is really top notch.
0:40 In another insanely lucky shot I get a triple multiball and earn two extra balls. On the one hand, it's annoying having no idea how I caused these amazing shots. On the other hand, it's awesome to watch the insane chain reactions I've caused.
0:47 New stage, new bonus. Kat Tut Is going to give me pyramid power. "It's subtle, but it can really help you out." I like subtlety.
0:50 It's not as subtle as the anthropomorphic Egyptian cat indicated. In reality it just makes getting free balls really easy. Not that I'm complaining.
0:52 I think I've gotten over the fact that this game requires minimal skill and just accepted that the randomness is what makes it so endearing.
0:55 "I once though nothing could beat playing with a ball of yarn, but Peggle tops it." Dude, I'm already playing the game. I don't need an ad for the game inside the game.
1:00 I can do no wrong this game. I get extra ball after extra ball and finish with 100% completion badge. I feel like I accomplished something but really it was mostly luck.

Would I play this game for more than an hour? Definitely.
Why? It's a mesmerizing, if not very challenging. A great game to play with the TV on in the background.

This review based on a Deluxe version provided by PopCap.

Wario: Master of Disguise

Developer: Suzak
Publisher: Nintendo
Release Date: March 5, 2007
System: Nintendo DS
ESRB Rating: E10+
Official Web Site

In a nutshell: Wario plays dress up.

0:01 There's a "Fresh Wario scoop!" on TV. He's picking his nose! Must be a slow news day. Then "The Silver Zephyr" comes on the air. "A good way to kill an hour, I guess," Wario says. I hope we can say the same about the game.
0:04 Wario invents a Telmet to get on TV. "Television... teleport... also it's a helmet!" The first level is called "Episode 1." Cute.
0:06 Wario picks up a wand dropped by the Silver Zephyr and finds out he has the power to transform. He's now "The Purple Wind... silent but deadly." Groan.
0:09 Interesting controls scheme. The d-pad moves Wario, tapping touch screen performs attacks and actions. Why don't more games combine the two control methods like this?
0:11 I have to complete a simple coloring mini-game to open chest. Back in my day, you could just open chests with the press of a button. And we walked FIFTEEN MILES in the snow to get to school, too.
0:12 My new transformation lets me shoot lasers in any direction with a tap of the stylus. Nice floaty jump too.
0:15 I fail to open a chest twice after some confusing mini-games. I eventually get a lunchobx worth $298! Wow!
0:18 The gameplay so far is mainly a series of increasingly frustrating box-opening mini-game. I can't figure out why I fail at a tracing mini-game.
0:20 Zapping seagulls with a space laser = fun!
0:21 OK, the Zephyr keeps showing up randomly and asking me to return his wand. I keep refusing and running off the screen. Is there a point to all this?
0:24 The characters use little word balloon faces to express emotions. Cute, but slow-paced.
0:26 The game is giving out hearts like candy. I don't even come close to needing them all.
0:29 The enemies drop little gems, but I have no idea what they do. They don't increase my money count or health or anything.
0:32 I die trying to bounce on a seagull to reach an out of the way chest. The penalty seems to be... nothing -- just back to the start of the level.
0:35 The enemies don't hurt you unless they're actively attacking. Otherwise you can just walk through them. On the one hand, I like this nod to realism (enemies aren't radioactive, after all). On the other, years of games have trained me to expect different.
0:38 I'm ashamed to admit it, but I'm stuck on the first level. Everywhere I go seems to be a dead end.
0:39 Ah... I have to go through a seemingly solid wall. I find an excavated T-Rex skull is worth $29? That seems... low.
0:42 I'm stuck again... yet another dead end. Groan.
0:44 Turns out I'm an idiot. You just have to push a box and get on top to push another box and move on.
0:46 Boss time. He's actually tough, even though his weakness is glaringly apparent. Using the d-pad and stylus together is challenging, but fun.
0:52 I win after quickly working my way back to the boss. "SMELL IT!" Stay classy, Wario.
1:00 I spend the last eight minutes of my hour playing an increasingly hard roach smashing mini-game with the stylus. It's actually the most fun I've had yet with the game.

Would I play this game for more than an hour? Maybe
Why? I feel like I haven't really seen what the game has to offer, yet, but I also fear and suspect the rest of the game will be as slow paced and dull as the first level.

This review based on a retail copy rented from GameFly.