Pro Evolution Soccer 2009

Developer: Konami
Publisher: Konami
Release Date: March 17, 2009
Systems: Wii (reviewed), PS3, Xbox 360, PSP, PC, mobile
ESRB Rating: E
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Point and shoot

0:00 I got a quick, five-minute demo of this game at a New York PR office a few months ago. Seemed harmless enough back then, with controls that mimicked a classic NES game but graphics that looked more like a PS2 release.

0:01 The preview screen features a large arrow bouncing between targets amidst sounds of a soccer ball being kicked. Odd...

0:02 Zoom in from high above to a soccer pitch, which lights up as another huge arrow comes out from the center. Driving rock music plays as we pan across images of Euro teams posing against a starry void. Lots of lens flare and shiny backgrounds. If I knew who these teams/players were, I'm sure I'd be very impressed. Cut to a slow pan across all sorts of team logos, then zoom back out to a ball flying high above the pitch. Someone makes a big, curving corner kick before we cut to the title screen, with two long-haired hippies in soccer uniforms standing back-to-back. Pretty sharp as far as intro videos go.

0:03 I choose my Mii, my nationality and my favorite team. Man, there are a lot of teams to pick from, from national to club teams, even "classic" teams. I can't find Arsenal, the favorite of my former podcast co-host Ralph Cooper, so I end up sticking with the three-star U.S. team out of misplaced patriotism.

***-->CONTINUE READING AT CRISPY GAMER<--***

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UEFA Euro 2008

Developer: EA Canada
Publisher: EA Sports
Release Date: May 20, 2008
Systems: PS3 (reviewed), PS2, PSP, Xbox 360, PC
ESRB Rating: E
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Football as 99% of the world knows it.
0:00 I've actually never played a soccer video game before unless you count Super Mario Strikers -- and you really shouldn't, as that game has fireballs and turtle shells and stuff. I did play some little league soccer in my youth, though, so I know how the game works. You try and put the ball in the net, right?

0:01 This minute spent downloading a seemingly mandatory 68 MB version 1.02 update for the game.

0:10 The past 10 minutes spent the same way as minute 0:01.

0:11 The UEFA logo comes flying in with some peppy music over snowy peaks and a fast-moving, cloudy sky. "Hello I'm Clyde Tillsy(?) and it's my pleasure to introduce you to EA Sports' UEFA Euro 2008." He explains that you can earn points when you win games (more points for games you aren't expected to win), and these points are used online to represent your nation in an online leaderboard. Hooray for nationalism! "Good luck, and perhaps you can be the champion gamer, or part of the champion nation of gamers, in UEFA Euro 2008."

0:14 So I have to pick the nation that I'll represent in the online leaderboards. Interestingly, I can play as any country I want, but this pick for who I "represent" is irrevocable after I make it. Not being from Europe myself, I pick Liechtenstein, with its half-star rating and population of 35,000 people, mainly because I feel bad for it. Also, it's fun to say. Lick-ten-shtine!

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer