Just Cause 2

Developers: Avalanche Studios, Eidos
Publisher: Square Enix
Release Date: March 23, 2010
Systems: Xbox 360 (reviewed), PS3
ESRB Rating: M
Official Web site

In a nutshell: I suppose it makes sense that chaos is hard to control...

0:00 As I was opening this game, my wife noticed the back of the box promised "'relentless adrenaline-fueled action' -- sounds right up your alley." Not really...

0:01 A bit of loading, a bit of logos, and the title screen. A text crawl along the bottom of the screen welcomes me and urges me to visit the web site for stats, official forums and leaderboards. Oh, and I can become a fan of the game on Facebook. What is this, CNN?

0:02 Selectable difficulties are Casual, Normal, Experienced and Hardcore. I'll choose Normal becuase "I'm no stranger to action games and will gladly take on the Panauan soldiers, as long as we play by the same rules." Uh... yeah.

0:03 The loading screen urges me to "cause chaos in any way possible." They mean in the game, right?

0:04 I'm in the "Republic of Panau, South East Asia" according to the title card. A helicopter flies in over the ocean with soldiers inside. "Here we are, Panau island. Southeast Asia's best kept secret," says the blonde woman. It's not US-friendly anymore, since the Panauan president was assassinated by his son. "He doesn't sound much like a people person," says a Spanish-accented man who I assume is my wise-cracking character. I'm being sent in to take down Sheldon, a guy who taught me "everything I know." Holy god is this cheesy.

0:05 We get hit by anti-aircraft fire and some data cards fall out in to the jungle. The blonde girl also falls, but I grab her by the arm and we continue chatting amiably about how important those data cards are. When a random soldier gets shot and falls out, I go and follow him with a "witty" remark: "Aw hell, I was running out of ammo anyways. Don't wait up."

***-->CONTINUE READING AT<--***
***-->JOYSTICK DIVISION<--***

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Bolt

Developer: Avalanche Software
Publisher: Disney Interactive
Release Date: Nov. 28, 2008
Systems: Xbox 360 (reviewed), PS2, Wii, PS2, DS, PC
ESRB Rating: E
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Baby's first action game

0:00 I vaguely remember someone on Twitter saying this game was actually better than its movie-based origins would suggest. I've never even seen the movie, so I'm just looking for a decent family-friendly action game.

0:01 "The WHEELBAR allows you to move along pipes, ledges and ceilings," says a helpful if somewhat confusing loading-screen message. Cut to a title screen with a panting Bolt sitting on a TV screen, then a montage of action ... Bolt uses laser eyes, sonic barks and super-resilience to take out a bunch of bad guys.

0:02 A can of strawberry soda sits on a sofa. "OK, this has gone on long enough," says an off-screen voice. "I'm going to unleash fury on the count of five and I'm starting at 3 ... 4 ... 5!" The microwave dings and a hamster leaps onto the couch with a ball full of popcorn. He's sitting down to a DVD marathon of "Bolt," the TV show. "Most noble magic box, may you run glitch-free and with fortitude. Let the awesomeness ... COMMENCE!" Man, this guy's really getting into the role of the hamster.

0:04 "22:36 hours, somewhere off the coast of Italy," in the driving rain of a thunderstorm. I'm a little girl in tight black spy gear. Not that I, er, noticed the tightness or anything. She has quite a nice running gait and an awkward double jump that doesn't make much sense in the context. Is she a super-powered warrior or just a regular girl ... who happens to have a double jump?

***-->CONTINUE READING AT CRISPY GAMER<--***

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