Dragon Quest IX: Sentinels of the Starry Skies

Developers: Level-5, Square Enix

Publisher: Nintendo
Release Date: July 11, 2010
System: Nintendo DS
ESRB Rating: E10+

In a nutshell: Not all fallen angels are bad guys

0:00 I've never actually touched a Dragon Quest game, save for a brief, frustrating stint with the original Dragon Warrior on the NES. An hour probably won't be nearly enough to get a true feel for this epic game, but will it be enough to make me want to play more?

0:01 In an anime cut scene, a boy runs into a cavern, towards a fire-breathing dragon . A woman casts a spell. Slimes bounce on a rocky plain. Pan over a town where a boy plays with a dog. A party talks in a tavern. A woman dances. They clink glasses. A blue spirit rises up. A castle in the clouds. An eagle flies over a field. Zoom up to the starry sky and show the title! Yup, it's a Japanese RPG opening, all right. The animation reminds me of Dragon Ball Z, which is understandable, since it's by the same animator.

0:03 The character creator makes it remarkably easy to make a character that looks exactly like Super Saiyan Vegeta from Dragon Ball Z, which I do. My newly created character gets a halo and angel wings and he flies off. Then... loading? In a DS game?

0:04 "Hello? Is anybody there? If you're there, say something. Show yourself. Thus do the voices of mortals plead, ever hopeful of our existence. For how long have we watched over their realm?" Here we go with the heavy-handed religious allegory...

0:05 Pan over a idyllic little farm village, rendered in blocky, heavily-outlined 3D. Neighbors wave to each other, a horse whinnies, a man fishes in a gentle stream. Two angels watch. One of them is my Vegeta. The other, Aquila, one is impressed with how I've watched over the village, Angel Falls.

***-->CONTINUE READING<--***

***-->AT GAMERONI<-***

___________________________________________________

Just Cause 2

Developers: Avalanche Studios, Eidos
Publisher: Square Enix
Release Date: March 23, 2010
Systems: Xbox 360 (reviewed), PS3
ESRB Rating: M
Official Web site

In a nutshell: I suppose it makes sense that chaos is hard to control...

0:00 As I was opening this game, my wife noticed the back of the box promised "'relentless adrenaline-fueled action' -- sounds right up your alley." Not really...

0:01 A bit of loading, a bit of logos, and the title screen. A text crawl along the bottom of the screen welcomes me and urges me to visit the web site for stats, official forums and leaderboards. Oh, and I can become a fan of the game on Facebook. What is this, CNN?

0:02 Selectable difficulties are Casual, Normal, Experienced and Hardcore. I'll choose Normal becuase "I'm no stranger to action games and will gladly take on the Panauan soldiers, as long as we play by the same rules." Uh... yeah.

0:03 The loading screen urges me to "cause chaos in any way possible." They mean in the game, right?

0:04 I'm in the "Republic of Panau, South East Asia" according to the title card. A helicopter flies in over the ocean with soldiers inside. "Here we are, Panau island. Southeast Asia's best kept secret," says the blonde woman. It's not US-friendly anymore, since the Panauan president was assassinated by his son. "He doesn't sound much like a people person," says a Spanish-accented man who I assume is my wise-cracking character. I'm being sent in to take down Sheldon, a guy who taught me "everything I know." Holy god is this cheesy.

0:05 We get hit by anti-aircraft fire and some data cards fall out in to the jungle. The blonde girl also falls, but I grab her by the arm and we continue chatting amiably about how important those data cards are. When a random soldier gets shot and falls out, I go and follow him with a "witty" remark: "Aw hell, I was running out of ammo anyways. Don't wait up."

***-->CONTINUE READING AT<--***
***-->JOYSTICK DIVISION<--***

___________________________________________________

Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: My Life as a Dark Lord

Developer: Square Enix
Publisher: Square Enix
Release Date: July 20, 2009
System: Wii
ESRB Rating: E-10+
Official Web site

In a nutshell: Cuteness is not an excuse for starting out slow and boring.

0:00 I tend to like tower defense games, and I've heard a lot of praise for this one, so away we go!

0:01 You hold the Remote horizontally. That surprises me. I figured they'd use the pointer for more accurate placement. The title appears on a starry background with cutesy, standard Square music. Reminds me of the Final Fantasy VII Chocobo Racing music. My options are "New Game" and "Purchase Add-On Content." Er, I'm pretty sure I want the former... On to the Tutorial Stage!

0:02 "In a world free of miasma ... the monsters of the land, finding themselves in a dire state, holed themselves up inside their Darklord's massive Tower. Craydall, the Darklord, was kind and handsome, but then he offered his life to protect the castle from the do-gooders. He's sealed inside a crystal and his daughter Mira was crowned on her 16th birthday.

0:03 Mira is introduced with over-the-top spotlights and drum rolls: "The Messenger from the Inferno! The Great Cursed Sorceress! The Devious Demon of Death. Or perhaps ... The Diabolical Hideous Princess of Doom." Heh. Someone did a good job on the translation.

0:04 Mira wears a hideous half-black, half-pink bustier/dress combo. "Cower in fear, adventurers! From this day forward, I am the new ruler of darkness." Sorry, if you want people to cower, you need a better outfit...

0:05 "Chapter 1: The War Begins." The tower is a small thing with a huge metallic heart atop. "Tonberries! Teach me how to do all this stuff!" says Mira. The little green robed guys rush in to do just that. So CUTE!

***-->CONTINUE READING AT CRISPY GAMER<--***

____________________________________________________

Space Invaders Extreme

Developer: Taito
Publisher: Square Enix
Release Date: June 17, 2008
Systems: PSP (reviewed), DS
ESRB Rating: E

In a nutshell: Space Invaders meets Geometry Wars. Ow, my brains...

0:00 I've never been a huge fan of the original Space Invaders (I was always more of a Galaga man, myself), but I've been hearing good things about this fast-paced, portable remake. Before I even turn on the game I'm entranced by the clear plastic shell for the UMD. Wicked!

0:01 "Taito Corporation. Space Invaders 30th Anniversary. Space Invaders Extreme!" reads a sexy voice right out of the Starship Enterprise. The title screen has a large dancing invader with lines of other invaders across the top and bottom. The logo/title replaces some Es with 3s for no apparent reason. What is this, Driv3r?

0:03 I have a love/hate relationship with games, like this one, that let you preset your starting number of lives in the options screen. I always set it as high as possible, but I always feel bad about it, like I'm cheating somehow.

0:04 "Stage 1, Let's Go," reads the screen. A driving techno beat matches all the crazy, multicolored crap floating around the background. Like the original game, I've still got a little ship at the bottom of the screen, firing up at the slowly encroaching invaders. Luckily, though, the firing rate is much faster. The n-shaped shields from the original are gone, making it feel a lot more like Galaga -- a good thing.

0:05 Power-ups? Really? A blue block floats down from a destroyed invader and gives me a thick blue laser that absolutely EVISCERATES everything. Hoo yeah!

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII

Developer: Square Enix
Publisher: Square Enix
Release Date: March 25, 2008
System: PSP
ESRB Rating: T
Official Web site

In a nutshell: A little less conversation, a little more action.

0:00 I'd call myself a fan of Final Fantasy VII, though I'm decidedly not a fanboy. There's an important difference, mainly having to do with cosplay.

0:01 Pan over a beautiful dystopian city as the credits roll. A chopper flies in and someone's running down a corridor. A guy talking in an office. AERIS! OMG! Sephiroth, explosions, an apple, a gun, a swordfight, a horse with armor. More swordfighting, more running, a box labeled "sealed," Aeris kneeling in prayer and... title! Whew! I'm already out of breath.

0:02 Call me a sucker, but the little "bloop" sound effect when moving through the initial menu selector takes me right back to the original FFVII.

0:03 The camera does a long zoom out from a sign for the Shin-Ra Electric Power Company to a bulging tower rising over a dirty, industrial city. "Wutai troops have hijacked the Shinra Express," says a voice over a radio. A helicopter full of SOLDIER, er, soldiers, hovers over the train. "Eliminate them and take control of the train." "Oh yeah!" says Zack, our immaculately coiffed protagonist.

0:05 Zack runs towards the attackers on the roof of the train, blocking bullets with his sword and jumping over an RPG missile in super slow-mo. Just another day at the office. "SOLDIER 2nd class Zack is ON THE JOB!" he says to no one in particular.

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer

The World Ends With You

Developer: Jupiter
Publisher: Square Enix
Release Date: April 22, 2008
System: Nintendo DS
ESRB Rating: T
Official Web site

In a nutshell: The what ends with who?

0:00 Amidst all the GTA4 launch craziness, the unexpected praise for this game somehow broke through to my consciousness. I had to at least give it a try.

0:01 A bunch of urban-looking kids stand around an urban-looking environment over a title screen with piano-infused beats. Catchy.

0:02 Since this is a rental copy, I have to delete the old saved game to start anew. The game asks me three times if I'm sure. "Once you DELETE your data, it's gone and it ain't ever coming back." Fine by me. It's not my data.

0:03 Comic book panels of a hand-drawn city scene fly in from off screen. "Outta my face, you're blocking my view. Shut up. Stop talking. Just go the hell away. All the world needs is me. I've got my values, so you can keep yours, all right? I don't get people, never have, never will." Each line's delivered with real conviction and accompanied with bold text. Good stuff.

0:04 Our loner collapses on a busy Tokyo street. He has a skull amulet thing in his hand. "What the... I can hear voices in my head." The amulet thing is actually a pin, but the guy has no idea where it came from.

0:06 I'm in control. Tapping the pin on the bottom screen scans the crowd so I can read their thoughts. A lot of guys are thinking about girls, it seems. The one girl on the street is thinking about her grandfather. Aww.

Read the full review at Crispy Gamer